All I Want For Christmas Is Mason Jars

I have a problem. I'm totally addicted to mason jars. No really. I'd be totally thrilled if everyone got me mason jars for Christmas. I use those suckers for EVERYTHING. I'll bet you had no idea just how versatile mason jars are. So in honor of my favorite dish/organizing tool/candle/craft supply/etc I will do several posts on how I use mason jars...yeah...go ahead...run to the store and get some. Trust me. You'll want to. If you can find any that I haven't bought already. Um...yeah.

If you're looking for even more ideas than I give, just Google "mason jars" or look them up on Pinterest (another of my addictions...maybe I have an addictive personality...hmmm) The possibilities are absolutely endless.

First up...the glitter jar. Shake the jar then watch the glitter settle. This was originally recommended to give to children when they are getting wild and out of control. (Which of course would NEVER apply to my little angels. haha) Sit them down and let them shake the jar. When all the glitter has settled, they can get up and are usually much more calm and ready to go. I think this would work for one...or maybe two of my kiddos. The third...forget it. He'd be trying to figure out how to drink the glitter.  To see how to make these jars go HERE. 



Another neat kid idea is a star jar...


There are tons of ways to do this, but this one is my favorite. Just get some glow in the dark paint and splatter it around inside the jar. Seriously. How simple is that? And how fun for sleepovers, campouts and playing in homemade forts!

See...two simple unconventional ways to use mason jars. There are millions I think. I'll give you another one later. ;-) Check back.

Evidence of Grace

I have said many times that I was so thankful for a God who loved me just as I am, but loved me too much to leave me that way. As I was thinking back over the past year, or even past few years this thanksgiving, I realized that God's grace in not allowing me to stay as I was is very evident. I don't want to at all sound as though I am bragging, because the journey has been painful and I can claim no credit for my growth. It is only by the grace of God that I have seen these changes in my life and perspective. But I want to share just how God has provided and worked on me recently.

Seven years ago I was losing my grandpa to cancer. He was in a lot of pain, and he was one of my very best friends. And I was angry. Really angry. I remember in his last days that people would come to the house and want to pray with our family and I would leave the room because it made me so angry that they would continue to talk to a God who wasn't fixing my problem, who was allowing my Papa to suffer.

His death was traumatic for our entire family. It was a very long, painful ordeal. I had nightmares almost every night for months. I was still in college, trying to finish up my degree and had just gotten married. As I began my senior year, they decided that our entire senior class would be studying the topic of death for the entire year. I was in total disbelief. Here I was trying to escape the memories of death and now they were going to force me to study it for an entire year??

They made us go on a retreat and watch a movie that depicted someone dying a horrible, painful death from cancer. I had a complete breakdown and Ward had to come get me. The nightmares resumed in force. Honestly, I'm not sure I've ever forgiven the college for that. I was so angry and slipping into a pretty serious depression. How could a "Christian" college make me relive that kind of pain? Weren't they supposed to be comforting, supportive, compassionate? How could they? I was even more angry with God.

Then in December I got pregnant. We were so thrilled that finally we had something to really be excited about. We bought little baby clothes and painted the nursery. Then in February I lost the baby. I felt like the whole world was crashing down around me. I was in my last semester of college. I went to several individuals within the college and begged them to let me do something other than the "death class". But they insisted that I couldn't be exempted and that I had to finish it to graduate.

I was devastated. This was so unfair. Why was life so hard? Why was God not listening to me? Was there even a God at all? I decided at this point that if there was a God, he was cruel and I wanted nothing to do with him.

But God loved me in spite of my foolishness and selfishness and in spite of my bitterness toward Him. He loved me exactly like I was, but loved me too much to leave me that way. He gave me a wonderful, faithful husband and an amazing church family that slowly dragged me out of my selfish way of thinking.

Seven years later, I have had what has undoubtedly been the most challenging year of my life. Multiple illnesses, Kaytie's asthma, an incredibly tense and dangerous pregnancy, the possibility of losing my own life and having to say goodbye to my children and husband, a painful recovery and less than ideal birth, having a child in the NICU, post pregnancy complications that have dragged on for four months, and then finding my baby suffocated in his bed and having to do CPR to revive him...it's been one thing after another all year long. And yet, my faith has remained. In fact, in stark contrast to the trials of a few years ago, my faith has grown immeasurably.

Many people have said how they feel so sorry for me and that they just think it's horribly unfair that I've had to go through all of this- that I don't deserve it. And seven years ago, that's exactly what I thought too. But it startled me to realize that this thought had never crossed my mind this year. My immediate thought upon hearing this was "you've got it all wrong."

You see, I am a wretched person. Really. I've rebelled and gone against what I've known to be right. I've questioned God and blamed him for everything bad in life- ignoring the fact that this is a fallen world we live in and the consequences for our sin is death. God is absolutely perfect. He can't associate with imperfection because it is contrary to his character. And it broke his heart that we would live apart from him and in such pain. He was willing to give his son to take our place. We didn't deserve that kind of grace. No one made him do it. He did it because he loved us just like we were and to bring glory to himself.

As I've realized just how undeserving I am to have a God who cares about me and for me, I have gained a new appreciation and outlook on my circumstances. The world sees that I'm sick...I see that I have been given doctors, knowledge and technology to find a solution.

The world sees that I had to tell my husband and babies goodbye...I see that it wasn't goodbye. Only God could have allowed me to live. He loves me.

The world sees that I had a painful recovery...I see that I had a recovery. In less recent times, all women in my situation would have been doomed to die. He loves me.

The world sees that I have undergone test after test and I'm tired. Yes, I'm tired. But I'm blessed because these tests are not only showing what needs to be done for me to be alright, but also what God is doing to make me alright. His healing has been miraculous, even by medical standards. He loves me.

The world sees that my baby suffocated in his crib...I see that he's grinning at me today. Only God could have made it so that I turned on his monitor even though he wasn't going to sleep...that I had the monitor in the first place...that I knew how to do CPR...that I was able to get him to breathe again. He loves me. Trial after trial...sure...miracle after miracle...absolutely.

So while everyone thinks that I'm so undeserving of these many difficulties, I see that I am so undeserving of this many miracles. Why God has loved me so much that he has chosen to show his power so obviously in our lives this year, I do not understand. I certainly don't deserve it. So looking back over this year I am so thankful for the change in my perspective. And I am so thankful that my God loved me exactly like I was, but loved me too much to leave me that way.

Yay for FREE Soda!

So, I'm apparently nesting now, since I didn't ever get to that late pregnancy stage. At least that's what Ward says is the problem. :)

Last weekend we completely rearranged our room. I'm totally thrilled because our room has always been the room that gets forgotten. No one is ever really in there but us, so it tends to get neglected. Terrible, I know. But after moving around furniture I realized what a big, beautiful room we have. It never seemed that big since the space wasn't well used, but now it's a place I can go to get away from the craziness that is the rest of the house.

Having this semi-quiet space has led to being able to catch up on other things as well- like writing, and couponing. I outgrew my previous coupon binder, so I purchased a larger one and gave my coupon system an update. It runs much more smoothly now. I know a ton of people have been asking me to teach them how I coupon, so although I tend to think that it isn't a one-size-fits-all kind of thing, I will try to do a few posts in the near future on the topic.

As a quick note along those lines, I got my Early Edition Sunday Post-Dispatch today and found that there is a coupon for a free 2 liter of Dr. Pepper Ten. This is the new ten calorie Dr. Pepper. This is exciting to me for two reasons. One- I just tried the new Ten last week and loved it. (If you're a Dr. Pepper fan, I would encourage you to try it, and give yourself at least two cans to see if you like it. The first tends to seem weird since you're expecting regular Dr. Pepper, but by the second I was hooked. Just my opinion.) Two- the coupon is for a FREE 2 liter...and from what I can see, there's no purchase requirement. That means you walk in the store with your coupon and walk out with your 2 liter. No money required.

Now, a quick note on redeeming these kinds of coupons. I have found that Walmart is the easiest place to redeem "get one free" coupons that have no other purchase requirements. Most other stores have some kinds of restrictions on these purchases. But you shouldn't get any problems doing them at Walmart. Also, because of the size of most Walmarts, you have a better chance of finding them in stock, especially if you can't get to your shopping until later in the week.

So there you have it. A coupon tip for your weekend. :) I promise I will do more posts on coupon shopping later, but wanted to throw that one out there so that you can purchase a paper tomorrow if you're interested. (If you don't live in the St. Louis area, I have no idea if your insert will have these coupons, but it's worth checking out.) Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

A blog that is NOT a baby update. :)

I know it's been forever since I posted much on this blog besides pregnancy updates. As anyone who has read those updates knows, it's been a crazy few months. The year started off with the best of intentions so far as blogging goes...but life doesn't go according to plan. So hopefully now that life is somewhat returning to our own unique form of normal I will be able to do a better job at keeping up with writing. As you can see, I've simplified the blog a bit. Simple is just better for me these days. A big thanks to lovely and talented Sarah Lough for the gorgeous picture of the sweet miracle baby who has been monopolizing the blog content for the better part of the year. I've been overwhelmed by the number of people who have visited this blog from all across the country- all across the world, really- to check in on us. We are blessed to have each one of you.

Nightmare Round 2

So, we're still not through the nightmare that was this pregnancy. At my six week check up they became suspicious that perhaps the placenta had not come out cleanly after all. So today I went in for an ultrasound to see what was going on.

There is a large piece of what we're assuming is placenta. It still has a good deal of vascularity (blood flow) and could possibly be into the bladder. Don't ask me how you miss this when you're doing this surgery, but apparently they did. They would normally just do a regular D&C but they can't because they don't know if I will hemmorage upon removal. (basically the same worry we had the first time they tried to remove the placenta.)

So Friday at 2 I'll be going in for hysteroscopic d&c. They'll use a camera to see exactly what they're dealing with and will attempt to remove the placenta, but won't be aggressive in trying to remove it. They'll get as much as they can and then wait to see if they got it all. If not they'll put me on a medicine to attempt to kill the tissue. If they get in there and it's into the bladder or to deeply embeded, they'll do a hysterectomy.

So the amazing way that the placenta just "came out" after the birth was some kind of illusion. Now we're back to wondering what's going to happen and hoping I don't hemorrage during surgery. I'm trying to remain positive, but to be honest the whole situation is just really wearing on me. I know that there is a reason for everything and I want my response to be God-honoring, but frankly I'm just tired and I'm frustrated and I'm discouraged.

Thankfully, if the procedure goes as planned, it will only be an outpatient surgery and I will be fine immediately after. So just pray that all goes according to plan and they can remove this without any further complications. Thanks.

Korbin's Birth Story

Everything happened so very quickly when Korbin was born and I know there are so many unanswered questions about what happened so I'll try to tell the story as best I can. When we saw the high risk doctor on Wednesday, the 3rd, Korbin's fluid was on the low side of normal. The doctor didn't think there was any need to worry and thought we could just check weekly until our planned c-section at 36 weeks. However, low fluid levels made Ward and I nervous, since we nearly lost Kai that way. So the doctor said we should come back in two days for a non-stress test and fluid recheck.

On Thursday, my mother was staying with us and she, Ward and I watched a movie that night. As the movie went on I started having more and more pain in my lower abdomen. By the time the movie was over, I was in terrible pain. I knew his fluid levels were low and I know that it's painful to carry a baby with low fluid levels. But even for that, it seemed awfully painful. The pain was constant, so I knew it wasn't labor. I wasn't bleeding or leaking fluid and the baby was moving fine, so I took some Tylenol and went to bed.

The next morning I felt a bit better. The pain was just a bit achy now, so I figured he must have just been laying funny and had moved. I was still waiting to hear from the doctor when we were going to do the c-section, and when I called the office I was told that she had already left, and had taken my chart with her. That was a bit nerve-wracking.

Ward's mom arrived at about 12:00 to stay with the kids while my mom took me for our check-up. As we were leaving Kai was upset and I told him that we were just going to go listen to Korbin's heartbeat and take his picture and then I would be right back. He asked if Korbin was going to come out- I told him no. Little did I know.

We arrived at the high risk doctor's office at 1:30 and they immediately hooked me up to the monitors. I sat there talking to mom and fiddling with my phone for half an hour, thinking everything was just fine. Baby sounded great and we had no reason to worry. They moved us into an ultrasound room for a quick check on his fluid levels.

The tech came in and said it would only take a minute. Mom and I were talking about stopping to get ice cream on the way home. As soon as she began the ultrasound, everything changed. She began searching for pockets of fluid but there were none. She began looking more and more concerned. Finally she said, "I'm sorry sweetie, but this is a game-changer. I'm going to get Dr. Moore."

As we waited for the doctor I tried not to cry. At that point I didn't know how bad it was, just that I wouldn't be going home, and I had lied to my little boy. I was worried about the baby and worried about how I would explain to Kai what was going on. When the doctor arrived she began looking for fluid pockets as well. Nothing. When I told her about the pain I had the night before she checked and it was decided that my water had broken but because the cervix was blocked, it had erupted into the space between my placenta and uterus, which is what caused the pain.

At any rate the baby now had no fluid and had to be delivered. She told me to go straight to St. Johns and that she would talk to the OB and that they would deliver either that night or the next morning. I called Ward at work and told him what had happened. I didn't realize how fast everything was going to go.

Mom dropped me off at the doors at St. John's. I was so nervous as they got me registered and then took me to a room. I got a gown on and by the time I got into the bed the room was already full of people getting me ready. A nurse started an IV, while another asked all the registration questions, another had me sign paperwork for the baby, blood transfusion and hysterectomy. A NICU nurse came up to go over what would happen with Korbin when he was born. They asked if I wanted someone to come pray with me before they took me to surgery. Someone from anesthesia came to explain how they would give me multiple IVs and a line in my neck for the transfusion.

All I could think of was that I hadn't gotten to tell my babies goodbye. I was trying so hard to hold it together, but I knew there was a significant chance that I wouldn't see them again. Ward called them and I talked to them one last time. Telling them and my Daddy goodbye over the phone was the hardest thing I've ever done.

They wheeled me downstairs to surgery prep, since the surgery would be done in the main OR. Two anesthesiologists worked together to put in my IVs and arterial catheter in my arm that would measure my blood pressure with each heartbeat. The head of the anesthesia department was in charge of my care. I ended up with 6 IVs so they could administer blood products quickly. While they were getting all the lines started doctors and nurses were coming in to "meet" me before I went in. I had an OB nurse and a surgery nurse assigned to me. The GYN oncologist came into meet me, informing us that he was hoping to not have to do anything, but that the last lady he had seen like this he had to remove the entire top half of her bladder.

Everyone promised to take good care of me, but no one was promising that I was going to make it. I'm sure they had their own doubts. They started to take me back and I had to tell my mom and my husband goodbye. I knew they were terrified, but there was nothing that could be done at this point. They wheeled me into the OR. It was huge! There were so many people in there. Several nurses, someone with the surgery tools, a couple of NICU nurses, the neonatologist, the OB, the high risk dr, the oncologist, the anesthesiologists, residents, the blood people, I couldn't count how many. The bad thing was that they had to keep me awake for all the surgery prep. They couldn't put me out until they were ready to start because they had a matter of minutes to deliver the baby once the anesthesia entered my system.

Surgery prep wasn't fun. Dr. Morris, the high risk doctor held my hand through the entire thing and promised to stay right with me until I fell asleep. If he needed to get something with the hand I was holding he would switch hands, but he never let go of me. As I was laying there God and I were in deep conversation. I felt peace and knew that either way I would open my eyes happy. Hanging on the wall in the OR was a picture of Jesus standing with surgeons as they operated. I knew that I was in the very best hands possible with these doctors, but even better hands ultimately.

I remember Dr. Arnold gently touching my throat and telling me I was going to sleep. When I opened my eyes, Dr. Arnold (the head anesthesiologist) was still beside me. He smiled at me and told me that the baby was fine, that they hadn't given me any blood and that I still had a uterus. I honestly didn't even know what to think. It didn't seem like it was even possible. I think I probably asked several people just to hear it again.

They brought Ward back to see me and he brought Sarah's camera so I could see pictures of Korbin. Unless you've had a situation you honestly thought you may not live through, I don't think it's possible to describe the feeling of seeing those you love most and knowing that you'll be there to share another day with them.

We had just lived the most amazing miracle...and every day is an absolute gift. We are so blessed.