on growing up

It happens to all of us. Sure we may stay "children at heart" but at some point, at least outwardly, we all should have to grow up. Not everyone does. These people are usually people who live off of those of us who have grown up, complain because they don't have enough and people aren't giving them enough, refuse to take responsibility for their actions, and just generally annoy the rest of the population.

However, for the majority of us, growing up is a process and a journey that we will all eventually take. When you're a baby, you aren't responsible for your actions, or for anything really. As I said, some people stay this way, completely dependant on other people to survive. But most of us grow up to be toddlers. We start understanding "right" from "wrong" and become responsible for doing the "right" thing. We start to see some consequences for both our right and wrong actions. If we do something bad, we're punished. If we do something good, we're rewarded.

Then we get older. We go to school. We have to start thinking about other people. We learn what things we do make people happy and what things make people sad. We learn how other people and their feelings are also important.

We get to jr. high or high school and we start more in-depth interpersonal relationships. We form "groups" of friends. We set certain standards for people whom we will associate with. We begin to realize that the opposite sex is not the same as us, and in most situations, the dating game begins. Unfortunately some of us didn't learn that grade school lesson about other people's feelings, and will cause a lot of damage to other people during these "dating game" years. We also start to really care about what others think of us, leading some to develop horrible self-esteem which often leads either to depression, or incredible arrogance problems due to their insecurites.

Also in high school, we start to realize that most (not all) of us will be expected to move out of our parents' home. We're expected to go to college. When that day comes, we say goodbye to the familiarity of everything we've known, the friends we've been in school with for years sometimes, and we head off to college, where no one is telling us what we should or shouldn't do. It's more freedom than many people can handle all at once. They go crazy doing everything they know they shouldn't. This is frowned upon by most of our older, more mature counterparts (many of whom never had this college experience)...and they're right in one sense. Unless you're confident in who you are, and you have a certain set of standards that you adhere to even in your wilder days, you will inevitably find yourself in a whole heap of trouble. Some of us fail classes, some of us get kicked out of school completely, some of us do irreperable damage to our futures by making it so that we cannot get a good job because of a "criminal record", some of us end up starting families long before we're ready to, some of us get married, then divorced all within that four years. But if nothing else, you learn...you learn that it's not just your parents who dole out consequences for your actions...life inevitably has consequences. You're responsible for being a responsible person...just because you're parents aren't there doesn't mean you can do whatever you want without any consequences. You will end up hurting yourself or another person. At any rate, whatever your experience, we all end up making mistakes and we all end up learning valuable lessons. If you survive your college years with reputation intact and relatively unscathed, consider yourself fortunate.

The next big "growing up" experience is usually getting a job. Now you're back to being accountable to someone else. No one else is paying your bills for you (unless you're getting government handouts to sit on your butt watching tv all day...there's consequences for that too, but that's another issue altogether). You are responsible for making a living, providing for yourself. In order to survive, you have to play by the rules...but you're basically only accountable to God and your boss. Yet, for some people...this is the phase in life where they truely grow up. Some people, still have a ways to go.

Then you get married. Getting married is a point where many people grow up. They start to realize that their actions now directly affect another person. If they mess up, it makes the other person look bad as well. If they act irresponsibly and continue to run around having extramarital relationships, they are not only responsible for the demise of their marriage, and their reputation, they are also responsible for the devestation that would be caused to the other person. If you get mad and quit your job, you are now responsible for two people, not just yourself. Nearly every decision you make impacts your spouse. Now is a great time to grow up. To stop running around bars every weekend, sitting on your butt doing nothing and finally grow up and act like a responsible adult. However, this is not the time that some people choose to grow up...some wait just a little longer...and that's ok...so long as your spouse can handle it...

But then a little one comes along. You're now completely responsible for another human being. That child depends on you for everything...for it's emotional, physical, psychological well-being. Now, my friends, is the time to grow up. To continue to stay in your immature state, acting as though you were still in college is not only irresponsible, but detrimental to your child. For one thing, your rebellious, lazy or promiscuous attitudes and actions can directly inhibit your ability to physically care for your child. You may get drunk and say or do things to your child, or in front of your child that you would never have said sober. You may treat your spouse poorly and your child has to witness it. Or you may just make bad decision after bad decision and set a horrible example for you child. All of these things will impact your child. They will shape the way that child views himself, his family, you, your spouse, his faith, substances, choices, responsibility, finances, etc. Don't think your child isn't watching. Even when they're small, they can sense when things aren't right...and it affects them. Once you hit this point in life, it's time to join the ranks of the rest of us and grow up. You had your fun. It's time to grow up and be a responsible, productive member of society.

Some of us won't. Some of us will continue to destroy ourselves and our families. We'll have relationships we shouldn't, do things we shouldn't, be lazy and take an entitlement approach to life. We'll put down our spouses, be controlling, selfish, ungrateful, jealous, and consumed with throwing off responsibilty rather than embracing it. But that isn't the kind of legacy you want to leave for your children is it?

People are afraid of growing up. It's like taboo. In turn, people are often afraid of these points in life where you are expected to grow up, such as getting married or having children. Growing up is not a bad thing. Personally, I couldn't be more glad to be done with my crazy years. Sure, there are perks to being single and having no responsibility, but I wouldn't go back to being single for anything. The love, respect, security is irreplaceable. And yes, it's a lot more responsiblity to grow up in order to better raise your child, but you get the satisfaction of knowing you're giving the one you love more than anything, the best shot at being everything they want to be, without the emotional or behavioral baggage to hold them back. You're raising your child to have healthy relationships, to respect other people, to take responsibility for your actions. And also, you are able to make a difference in the world around you because you aren't so focused on yourself. Because, let's face it, the college lifestyle is nearly completely selfish. It's about us. It's about doing what we want to do when we want to do it. It doesn't particularly matter to most of us whether we're shaming our families, disrespecting other people, or breaking the law. The world seems to revolve around us...but that just isn't the best way to live. We are put on earth for a purpose, and only when you get over yourself and your childish "wants" can you realize what that is, and be capable of doing it.

So for all of those (most of you reading this) who have grown up, don't see it as a bad thing. Embrace it for all it is instead of longing for the days when you lived as if you were the only person who mattered. Take a moment to look at your spouse and be thankful for the sacrifices they were and are willing to make for you. Look at your child and be thankful that you're doing the very best you can for that precious little one.

And if you are one of the few who are still lagging behind, take a look at your family. Try to see down the road, when the consequences of your actions become visible. Think of how badly it will hurt your spouse to find out you've been unfaithful. How hard it will be to have nothing because of your laziness. How lost you will feel when after years of you doing nothing and having no respect, your spouse calls it quits and leaves you with nothing. How hard it will be to try to encourage your child to make good decisions, when they saw you making bad ones. Everything you do matters now. There are no wasted moments. They either impact your life for good or for bad...it's time to grow up and lead the amazing life that you're called to.