So...what do you do?

Before we were even married, Ward and I had agreed that when we had children, I would stay home with them. Both of our mothers stayed home with us until we were in school and we wanted the same for our babies. Ward had a good job with great job security, so we felt like we could plan on that. I had no problem whatsoever with staying home because I felt like it was an important job.

I was already in college when we got married, and it was also important to both of us for me to finish my degree. After we were married, I threw myself into my school work, doing my very best work and continually being complimented by professors and given the names of prominant companies I could work for after graduation. I could taste the success. It was nice putting in all this hard work and seeing the finish line when it would all pay off. Then, my very last semester of school, I got pregnant. I didn't really have time to think about what I would do about a job, because we lost the baby at 8 weeks. But only a month later, I was pregnant again. We were so excited and scared and just absolutely thrilled.

But as I worked my butt off to finish up my senior projects to complete my degree, the thought of staying home was suddenly not quite as appealing. I'd worked so hard. I'd done so much work, put in my four years...I was qualified to go out there and get a good job...to make pretty decent money, to feel like I was productive- a success.

It wasn't hard to make the decision to stay at home before I spent four years of my life in training for a career that now I would not be pursuing. I began to realize that this was not an easy decision anymore. I loved my son, more than anything...but....I worked soooo hard. I loved my work, I loved PR.

In the end, I made the decision to stay at home and raise my little boy. There is no job I can do that would be more important. And I am fortunate to be able to work, both as a writer and as the founder of a non-profit, from home. My days are ridiculously crazy. But I've never had to feel like my child is taking a back seat. He is, and always has been, my top priority. I now have a unique view on the working vs. stay-at-home mom controversy. And I don't really think there's a right or wrong way to do it. Both are most definately appealing. And it was difficult to make the decision that I did...but it was worth it.

However, it's very interesting to see how the outside world views a mother's job. I can never believe how many people come up to me, holding my son, and say "and so what do you do?" My jaw drops and I look at them like they're from mars...and my inner brat smarts off "oh...well...i stay in bed until about noon, then i sit on my butt in front of the TV watching soaps and eating bonbons until my husband gets home."

MY GOSH! I have a husband and a 9 month old son, an extremely large dog and a cat! I also have a home to run. And that's without including the fact that I work from home and run a non-profit. My day, starts about 6 am. Over the course of the day, I have to clean our home, play with the dog, spend hours with my son, teach him everything he needs to know, make sure we have enough groceries, clean clothes, and money in the bank. I pay bills and balance checkbooks, file papers and mail letters. I keep pictures posted online with updates so our families can watch Kai grow up. I work, researching, writing. I'm currently compiling a cookbook for our non-profit(and running ridiculously behind). I have to make sure that my walk with the Lord doesn't suffer under the hustle and bustle of the rest of my day. I'm a wife who thinks it's incredibly important to have quality time with my husband every day. I have to cook two dinners, one for Kai, one for us, because now that he's feeding himself I don't want him to eat everything out of a jar...but he's not quite old enough to eat our food. I have to make sure Kai has baths, clean clothes, has been read to and gets plenty of attention and knows how much he is loved. I have to make sure that I'm taking care of myself, by exercising and looking nice every day, so that I'm setting a good example for my son and because I can't be a good mommy if I don't feel good. It's amazing how much you can squeeze into 24 hours...and when I collapse into bed about midnight I'm completely exhausted. Being a stay-at-home mom is not exactly a cake walk people. And I'd love to just spit on the next person who asks me "what I do." Oh...and let's add "answers stupid questions" to the list of things I do shall we?

Then there's the precious people who DO understand. Who Do see all the things that we do and quite frankly can't believe how we do it. A little old man stopped me in the grocery store today. He wanted to say hi to Kai and stopped to chat. A few minutes into our conversation he said "I don't know how you women do it."

"Do what?" I asked. "This." he said pointing to Kai..."And this..." pointing to my overflowing shopping cart..."And everything else." I told him I wasn't sure and that when I figured it out I'd let him know. Then he said "Well, I suppose you do it because you just don't have much choice, do you?" And he's right. If we didn't do it....who would? Our husbands who are working fulltime jobs too? Perhaps someone we hired who didn't love our child nearly as much as we did?

No...for all the work...all the sweat...all the planning and organization...it's all worth it. My family is my whole world and every moment of work that I do blesses them. And so I'll continue to do this awesome work...for the rest of my life. I love you guys!