1 John 2:1-6

My dear chidren, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if you do sin, there is someone to plead for you before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who pleases God completely. He is the sacrifice for our sins. He takes away not only our sins but the sins of all the world. And how can we be sure that we belong to him? By obeying his commandments. If someone says "I belong to God," but doesn't obey God's commandments, that person is a liar and does not live in the truth. But those who obey God's word really do love him. That is the way to know whether or not we live in him. Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Christ did.

Amazing Grace

While my husband was in Saudi Arabia in March, my mother-in-law and I attended an Audio Adrenaline and Mercy Me concert. It was a wonderful show with several moments that stood out to me. But one in particular has stayed with me. When Audio Adrenaline performed their song about being the "hands and feet" of Christ, the lead singer spoke for a moment about what that meant. He said that so often people talk about being Christ's hands and feet, and it gives you "warm fuzzies" and you feel good about such a claim. But what we forget is that Christ's hands and feet were nailed to a cross. They have holes in them, experienced great pain and bled. There were severed nerves. So before we go around saying that we'd like to be the hands and feet of Christ, perhaps we should realize what we're saying. Life is not easy. And living for Christ doesn't automatically make it easy.

There are times when we feel a lot like those "hands and feet". People are cruel. They say and do horrible things. They disrespect us as people. They lie to us and say awful things to or about us. Some of us have been verbally or emotionally abused by people we tried to love. Some of us have been physically abused as well. I know as well as anyone the pain that these cause. I know how horrible it is to have someone question your integrity, your motives, your entire being based simply on what they believe and not any truth. I know how cruel some people can be, saying things they know will cause the most pain possible, and deliberately taking your sadness and compounding it by adding their own ridiculous accusations. We live in a fallen world, and we are often battered. No matter how much we try to live the way we should, to be Christ's hands and feet, we find that people are taken from us, leaving gaping holes, we experience great pain, we bleed and are broken, and often our nerve is severed.

And yet we are called to forgive. Not only to forgive, but to love. Christ's sacrifice enabled us to be forgiven. He endured the pain, the holes, the shame, the false accusations, the cruelty, the lies, the disrespect. And then he forgave us...and loved us. Grace is being given a free gift that you don't deserve. We know that the people who have hurt us leave us with the feeling that they don't deserve to be forgiven. And quite frankly, they don't. But then again, neither did we. And we are called to forgive others the way that Christ has forgiven us. That's a tall order, because Christ doesn't just forgive, he loves. He bestows grace upon the undeserving. And we are called to do the same.

I have a song that's been in my head for weeks now. And it speaks volumes to how I feel about people who have wronged me, past relationships, and just life in general. I thought I would include just the first verse and another small part as they speak so much to the forgiveness we are only able to bestow by the changing of Christ and what grace is all about.

"I wish you could see me now.

I wish I could show you how

I'm not who I was.

I used to be mad at you

A little on the hurt side too

But I'm not who I was.

I found my way around

To forgiving you

Some time ago

But I never got to tell you so"

"Well the thing I find most amazing

In amazing grace

Is the chance to give it out

Maybe that's what love is all about."

(song by Brandon Heath)

Abundance

Oftentimes it seems as though we spend our days saying "there's just not enough..." Fill in the blank...there's just not enough time. There's just not enough money. I just don't have enough patience. I don't have enough help. I don't have enough knowledge. I don't have enough motivation. I don't have enough skill. Our lives become full of this "not enough" rhetoric. The real problem isn't actually that there isn't enough. It's that we are living as though we don't have enough. Our prayer should not be that we are given everything we think we need, but instead that we are given the sense to make good use of everything we've already been given.

My afternoon devotions today were in 2 Kings chapter 4. The woman in the story is devestated because her husband has died and left behind a tremendous debt. Her husband's creditors are now coming to take away her two sons to make them slaves to pay off the debt. She's already lost her husband, now she's about to lose her boys, and she has nothing but a small bit of oil. But that small bit of oil is all she needed...that and God. Those of you who have read the story know that Elisha instructed the woman to gather as many jars as she could find and fill them with the oil that she had (which was only a little bit). She did, and filled all the jars in the town. Then she was able to take them and sell the oil to pay off the debt. Not only did the debt get paid and she got to keep her boys, they also had made enough to live off of.

She had nothing. She didn't have enough time, enough money, enough things. But rather than dwelling on what she didn't have, she was able to trust that God would provide for her and her sons. She took what little she had, put it to good use, and let God do the rest.

What we don't realize is that with God, we always have enough. We need to let go of the attitude of "not enough" and step into the abudance that is already ours. If we are willing to make good use of what we've been given, whether it be time, money, patience, skill, possessions...and trust God to provide everything we need, we will begin to see that there just isn't much that we need. He is sufficient for everything we need. "He will provide all our needs according to His riches and glory." And that's quite a big bank to be drawing from don't you think?

So we need to stop thinking about what we think we need, and focus on the things we've been given and how we can use them for the Glory of God. Only then can we know true abundance.

So...what do you do?

Before we were even married, Ward and I had agreed that when we had children, I would stay home with them. Both of our mothers stayed home with us until we were in school and we wanted the same for our babies. Ward had a good job with great job security, so we felt like we could plan on that. I had no problem whatsoever with staying home because I felt like it was an important job.

I was already in college when we got married, and it was also important to both of us for me to finish my degree. After we were married, I threw myself into my school work, doing my very best work and continually being complimented by professors and given the names of prominant companies I could work for after graduation. I could taste the success. It was nice putting in all this hard work and seeing the finish line when it would all pay off. Then, my very last semester of school, I got pregnant. I didn't really have time to think about what I would do about a job, because we lost the baby at 8 weeks. But only a month later, I was pregnant again. We were so excited and scared and just absolutely thrilled.

But as I worked my butt off to finish up my senior projects to complete my degree, the thought of staying home was suddenly not quite as appealing. I'd worked so hard. I'd done so much work, put in my four years...I was qualified to go out there and get a good job...to make pretty decent money, to feel like I was productive- a success.

It wasn't hard to make the decision to stay at home before I spent four years of my life in training for a career that now I would not be pursuing. I began to realize that this was not an easy decision anymore. I loved my son, more than anything...but....I worked soooo hard. I loved my work, I loved PR.

In the end, I made the decision to stay at home and raise my little boy. There is no job I can do that would be more important. And I am fortunate to be able to work, both as a writer and as the founder of a non-profit, from home. My days are ridiculously crazy. But I've never had to feel like my child is taking a back seat. He is, and always has been, my top priority. I now have a unique view on the working vs. stay-at-home mom controversy. And I don't really think there's a right or wrong way to do it. Both are most definately appealing. And it was difficult to make the decision that I did...but it was worth it.

However, it's very interesting to see how the outside world views a mother's job. I can never believe how many people come up to me, holding my son, and say "and so what do you do?" My jaw drops and I look at them like they're from mars...and my inner brat smarts off "oh...well...i stay in bed until about noon, then i sit on my butt in front of the TV watching soaps and eating bonbons until my husband gets home."

MY GOSH! I have a husband and a 9 month old son, an extremely large dog and a cat! I also have a home to run. And that's without including the fact that I work from home and run a non-profit. My day, starts about 6 am. Over the course of the day, I have to clean our home, play with the dog, spend hours with my son, teach him everything he needs to know, make sure we have enough groceries, clean clothes, and money in the bank. I pay bills and balance checkbooks, file papers and mail letters. I keep pictures posted online with updates so our families can watch Kai grow up. I work, researching, writing. I'm currently compiling a cookbook for our non-profit(and running ridiculously behind). I have to make sure that my walk with the Lord doesn't suffer under the hustle and bustle of the rest of my day. I'm a wife who thinks it's incredibly important to have quality time with my husband every day. I have to cook two dinners, one for Kai, one for us, because now that he's feeding himself I don't want him to eat everything out of a jar...but he's not quite old enough to eat our food. I have to make sure Kai has baths, clean clothes, has been read to and gets plenty of attention and knows how much he is loved. I have to make sure that I'm taking care of myself, by exercising and looking nice every day, so that I'm setting a good example for my son and because I can't be a good mommy if I don't feel good. It's amazing how much you can squeeze into 24 hours...and when I collapse into bed about midnight I'm completely exhausted. Being a stay-at-home mom is not exactly a cake walk people. And I'd love to just spit on the next person who asks me "what I do." Oh...and let's add "answers stupid questions" to the list of things I do shall we?

Then there's the precious people who DO understand. Who Do see all the things that we do and quite frankly can't believe how we do it. A little old man stopped me in the grocery store today. He wanted to say hi to Kai and stopped to chat. A few minutes into our conversation he said "I don't know how you women do it."

"Do what?" I asked. "This." he said pointing to Kai..."And this..." pointing to my overflowing shopping cart..."And everything else." I told him I wasn't sure and that when I figured it out I'd let him know. Then he said "Well, I suppose you do it because you just don't have much choice, do you?" And he's right. If we didn't do it....who would? Our husbands who are working fulltime jobs too? Perhaps someone we hired who didn't love our child nearly as much as we did?

No...for all the work...all the sweat...all the planning and organization...it's all worth it. My family is my whole world and every moment of work that I do blesses them. And so I'll continue to do this awesome work...for the rest of my life. I love you guys!

Well...it's September 11th...

This day is very important to me for two reasons, so I thought I'd attempt to write about them both for a bit. First of all, we all remember that horrific day 6 years ago. It was quite possibly the worst day in American history...but I would have to say that in my humble opinion, it was also quite possibly, one of the best days in American history. The loss and devestation that we witnessed was beyond what we ever could have imagined. The heartache and fear and extreme anger that most of us felt will always be a part of who we are. But sadly, what hasn't remained for some of us, was that amazing bonding together of complete strangers. Of people who cried for people they didn't even know. Of people who donated blood, or packed up everything to help with rescue efforts. Or even people gathered to pray, and for once the ACLU didn't dare to object. Our leadership, Republicans and Democrats gathered to sing together "God Bless America", for all the world to see...where any other time there would have been debate over whether God was even allowed to be mentioned on the steps of a government building. And people hugged their children, called their spouses, mended bridges with their estranged loved ones, tending to relationships that were long overdue for healing. Americans did everything we could to tie ourselves together...it was so clear then who the good guys were and who the enemy was. And unfortunately, now it seems to be just distant memory...a blur. People are accusing our military of being the enemy, our president of being in on the plan of 9/11, our leaders gather together to lash out at one another, to fight against God, and to argue with our military leadership, some even going so far as to compare our military to Nazis. Madness. Sheer madness. And so I hope that just for a moment, you will remember how you felt that day. You will remember the glorious beauty of a country bonded together through suffering and sadness...and perhaps most importantly, you'll see the proof that trials, severe as they may be, often cause the greatest beauty to rise to the surface.

On to a bit lighter note now...September 11th also happens to be my daddy's birthday. It's been a good year, and a tough year at the same time. My mom is my best friend, but it's no secret to anyone that I've always been daddy's little girl. When I was in the hospital with the preterm labor, and became delerious from the medication, I got scared and all I wanted, all I kept asking for was my daddy. And he called me, then he drove down and brought me a beautiful rose and kept me company.

He was so excited when Kai was born in December. With the exception of my husband and my mom, he was the first to hold him. He's definately Papa's boy. Kai will always crawl over to a picture of him in his nursery and point to him. It's so cute. He already has an adorable little log cabin playhouse and handmade swing for him at Papa and Mamaw's house. And Dad can hardly wait until he's old enough to go fishing.

We had a rough time last month when he was in the hospital, but now he's back home and onry as ever. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have him to call to talk about whatever sporting event is on TV and debate over what the next play will be. I don't know what I would have done without our "dates" when I was growing up, or baking cookies and doughnuts, or stories about Tower Hill that would make you laugh til your drink came out your nose.

I am so blessed to have such an amazing man of God as a father. Yes, he always made us go to church, and he had a lot of rules...but, although I never thought I'd say this, I couldn't be more thankful for them. He kept me safe and on the straight and narrow as best he could. He gave us an excellent example, serving in just about every area in church, teaching high school sunday school, and making family is upmost priority. He never missed a game...or an event...even ones as painful as band or choir. I loves us kids unconditionally and never missed out on an opportunity to show us. But perhaps most importantly, he modeled what a good marriage should be like. He and my mom are quite possibly the most perfect couple on earth. High school sweethearts who were crazy in love with each other...emphasis on the crazy sometimes. =)

I'm so thankful for another year with him. I'm so thankful that he's been such a wonderful husband to my mom, father to me and Jake, father-in-law to Ward, and grandpa to Kai. I can't wait to see you at the football game this weekend daddy! I love you!

The most wonderful nation on earth

If there's one thing that I am that I've always been immensley proud of, it's the fact that I am an American. In fact, few things define me better than to say I am an American. I was raised around veterans, walking in parades when I was four or five with the Gold Star Mothers and other veterans. I've won awards in American history. I've worked for political campaigns and absolutely cannot hear the national anthem without crying. If anyone ever asked my heritage, they almost certainly got the answer that I am American. I never understood people who wanted to be referred to by the nationality that they used to be, or that their ancestors used to be. I mean, sure, that's nice to know...I have a lot of German, and Irish and American Indian in my family...but I'm not German, I'm not Irish, I'm not American Indian...I'm an American. I was born an American and by the grace of God I will die an American. I don't want to be referred to by any other name. In the words of Toby Keith, "I ain't sayin that it's wrong for you, it just don't make sense to me."

I love everything about this nation, everything that it stands for. No, it's not perfect, no nation is. And I often get furious with it's people and its leadership, but that doesn't change my love and undying devotion for the country. I would die for her in a heartbeat. I personally have never been in battle, but I've seen the wounds. I've heard the stories. I've seen the soldiers coming home and trying to adjust back into a normal life. I've talked with the mothers whose babies didn't come home. And the strength, determination, and honor that I find there is unfathomable and inspiring. Our military is the most amazing on earth. Without a doubt. They are the finest in the world. I must say that it makes my blood boil when people mistreat or second-guess them. Who am I to say what decision they should make over there, I'm not there. I've not lived it. I haven't put my life on the line.

Senator Biden this weekend made the most ridiculous and arrogant comment. He said that General Petraeus was "dead wrong" on his assesment and views on how to proceed in Iraq. I'm not trying to make a case for or against the war here, that's another post and another time. However, I was furious that this arrogant, pompous man would dare to sit in his comfy seat in the airconditioning in Washington, D.C. and spout off that our General doesn't know what he's doing in war. How dare he tell a general how to run a war??? The General didn't get to be General by sitting on his butt in the Senate. Those troops over there are one of his own. He has immense training and experience and I just cannot imagine the arrogance that would cause someone to blantantly disregard his assesment of the situation. The people who elected that man should be extremely ashamed of themselves.

Sadly, they probably aren't. It seems there are a lot of arrogant people trying to coach the game from the sidelines. I don't know that our military is doing every right, in fact they probably aren't...they're only human. But I do know that I trust them. I do know that they keep me safe. I do know that I can still board an airplane and feel safe or go to a mall. I do know that they're doing the best they can with the limitations they've been given. And I do know, that unlike most of the rest of the world, the vast majority of them do try to do the right thing.

Our military is the example of how our nation should work. Of people willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of their neighbor. Of people who have a good work ethic, instead of sitting on their butts and letting other people's taxes pay for them. Of people who jump in to help in time of national disaster. Of people who band together and become family with people they don't even know. Of people who would bypass on their own Christmas gifts to give to children in need.

America is the most generous and compassionate country on the globe- never getting the credit it deserves, but continuing to give anyway. Of course there are problems, and there will continue to be, mostly by those who have no respect for this great land and her people, and those who protect them. But I know that myself and my family, we are proud to be Americans. We're proud to call this great nation home. And we will continue to defend her, and contribute our part in making her all that she should be. You may not be in the military, that doesn't make you any less an American. But you probably know someone who is. Thank them. Because you're only able to live the life you do because of their sacrifices. Then get out there and do your part, volunteer, make a difference, keep her great. God bless America.

Something Beautiful

Something good is happening. I can feel it. Something truely wonderous, miraculous, amazing, beautiful. It's happening right now. Can you feel it? Look around you...and for a moment...truely see. Can you feel it now? It's there. It's happening. It's so exciting. Because underneath the drudgery of everyday life, there's something pure. Something so beautiful just waiting to be noticed. Underneath what you see in the mirror, all the things you dislike or wish you could change, something precious is emerging. In every success you can see a little glimpse of it. A little more. Probably not the whole picture, but enough for you to know it's there. Underneath all the scribbles on your calendar is a deeper reality, of a wonderful and fulfilling life waiting to be lived. Every day and every opportunity is another blessing...an opportunity to see the amazing beauty of life. And some days I can feel it more than others. Some days something truely outstanding, truely miraculous is occurring. Today is one of those days. Something beautiful is happening...watch and see.