A blog that is NOT a baby update. :)

I know it's been forever since I posted much on this blog besides pregnancy updates. As anyone who has read those updates knows, it's been a crazy few months. The year started off with the best of intentions so far as blogging goes...but life doesn't go according to plan. So hopefully now that life is somewhat returning to our own unique form of normal I will be able to do a better job at keeping up with writing. As you can see, I've simplified the blog a bit. Simple is just better for me these days. A big thanks to lovely and talented Sarah Lough for the gorgeous picture of the sweet miracle baby who has been monopolizing the blog content for the better part of the year. I've been overwhelmed by the number of people who have visited this blog from all across the country- all across the world, really- to check in on us. We are blessed to have each one of you.

Update on Kaytie

I know it's been forever since I wrote a regular old blog post. Things around here have kept me quite busy these past few months, and my family is, of course, my priority...so alas, my blogging has taken a break for awhile. Hopefully I'll be back to writing soon. I am, however getting in quite a bit of reading and can't wait to catch everyone up on great reads! For now though, here's an update for those of you who have been following what's going on with our sweet little girl.

Kaytie developed a really nasty cough about 4 months ago. It coincided with allergy season and Kai had terrible allergies, so we thought it was probably just that and treated it as such. However, she never got any better. For the past 4 months she's had coughing fits nearly every night that would continue until she threw up. It has been absolutely exhausting for her and for mommy, who would have to try to keep her calm and change sheets multiple times, and of course is quite pregnant and exhausted anyway.

I took her to the doctor at the end of May/beginning of June. They did a chest x-ray which came back fine and told us it could be one of three things- allergies, asthma or acid reflux. They decided treatment of reflux was the easiest so they would try to rule that out first. They also informed us that it could take up to a month before we would know if it had worked. She got worse. The coughing fits started to come several times a day and the wheezing started. The poor little thing just struggled all the time.

On our way home from Florida last weekend she had a coughing fit that lasted from the time she woke up in Chattanooga until Murfreesboro, KY. We tried everything we could think of to make it stop from honey to Vicks (which only succeeded in making her smell like a nursing home and making mommy slightly queezy). So Monday morning we were back to the doctor. He put her on albuterol treatments through a nebulizer and scheduled an appointment with a specialist.

Much to our relief, the albuterol treatements did seem to help, but they had to be given to her at least three times a day and as soon as one would wear off, the coughing and wheezing would ensue again, so this was obviously not going to be a great long-term option.

This morning we saw the specialist. They did an allergy skin test (poor sweet darling) and found that she has no major allergies. (aside from the sunscreen one, but that's a whole different story) They did do an x-ray of her face to rule out chronic sinusitus, but that doctor said he was fairly certain in was not that, he just wanted to be thorough.

So she has been "tentatively" diagnosed with asthma. I say "tentatively" because apparently they cannot give a firm asthma diagnosis on a child that small. She'll be reevaluated periodically and when she's a few years older she'll be given the lung function test that can tell them for sure. For now though, she will be treated as though it is asthma.

She'll get two doses of a preventative medicine through her nebulizer per day to start with. We're hoping that we'll be able to ween her down to one and eventually put her on a pill instead of the breathing treatment, but that will probably be a ways down the road. She'll also use the albuterol treatments as a "rescue inhaler" type of treatment when she has her coughing/wheezing fits. The doctor is hoping that once we get this under control we won't have to do the "rescue" treatments more than twice a week.

It's a bit overwhelming to think of having to do multiple breathing treatments a day with her for a long period of time, since she doesn't sit still very well on her own yet, and we're about to have our hands quite full here in a few weeks when the baby gets here. It will also mean that we have to keep a closer eye on her during cold/flu season as her condition can make these illnesses more serious. And of course, it's not exactly convenient to tote around a nebulizer machine whereever you go (along with four small children and their things) in order to make sure she can get a rescue treatment if she needs one. But I am so grateful that we may be getting my sweet girl some relief. She's struggled with this for so long. Now, in the next couple of weeks we may get that coveted full night's sleep we've been so desperately needing (just in time for it to be interrupted by night time feedings. haha)

Thank you all for your prayers for Kaytie during this time. She handled the tests like a champ. We got her a "bubbles the fish" mask for her nebulizer so hopefully it won't be as difficult to give them to her. We shall see. Any bets on whether my kids fight over "bubbles the fish"?

Surviving a Bad Case of the Mondays

I would guess that most moms have had one of those days where you consider it a miracle that everyone survived the day. Monday was one of those days here at the Schweitzer household. I've decided that the story in it's entirety is far more funny on Thursday than it was on Monday, so I thought I'd share- at the risk of those of you who have not yet had children deciding that it no longer sounds like a good idea at all.

The older children woke a bit earlier than usual on Monday...which probably should have been an indication of the way the day would go. Kai and Kaytie both decided they knew exactly what they wanted for breakfast and asked me to make their special requests. I decided to humor them (almost never a good idea when it comes to meals) and made them each what they wanted...which they then decided they no longer wanted and would not touch. I was a bit irritated, but life with little ones is irritating. That's just the way it is. No big deal.

Then the fighting, arguing, yelling, screaming nonsense ensued. And continued until it woke the baby- who was none to happy to be awakened before he was ready. So now we have three crabby kids and one crabby mommy. After feeding the baby and breaking up more fights that we would normally see in a whole day, I made the executive decision that everyone was going back to bed and we would try again.

Our second attempt at starting the day was a more miserable failure than the first. The craziness, chaos and bickering was driving me crazy. Then out of the blue, Kai comes running through the house kicking a ball and wearing cowboy boots. He trips and flies face first into the stone ledge that our wood stove sits on. Immediately he begins screaming and crying and a puffy purple spot appears under his left eye. I tried to get him to let me look at it and he wouldn't let me. I tried giving him ice to put on it (in the form of boo-boo bunny, of course) but he again wouldn't let me near it. I asked him if he wanted me to hold him and he told me no, that it wasn't hurt, that it would never get better, that he wasn't crying (all of this while screaming bloody murder.) I decided that I was wasting my time attempting to console him.

I had put Kaesen in his exersaucer while I attempted to tend to Kai's boo boo, and walked into our bedroom (already completely frazzled at this point) to call Ward. (yes, this was one of those "please talk me down from the ledge or I'm going to harm someone" phone calls.) Kai was following me around screaming- but still not letting me help. Then Kaytie walks up to him (while I'm on the phone) and smacks him. Just out of nowhere smacks him. (I'll admit, I'd been more than a little tempted to smack him myself, but that doesn't justify it of course.)

So I sent her to her room. Any of you who have been around my children knows that when they are sent to their room, they know they are to go to their room and shut the door. They don't argue it, they just do it. So she goes to her room and after about a minute, she's back in my room. I had to do a double-take because like I said, they NEVER break the rules about going to their room. She's hopping around on the floor. I said, "Kaytie Elizabeth Anne, why are you not in your room." Her answer? "Because I'm a bunny."

Seriously.

After informing her that she would be a bunny with a very sore tail if she didn't get back in her room, she decided it best to take her bunny self back into her room. About 30 seconds later I heard something in the hallway again. I figured it was her again and was flabbergasted that she would be so defiant. So I went into the hallway to see that it was Kaesen playing in the hall. Yes, Kaesen- who was supposed to be in his exersaucer. He had apparently escaped and was enjoying his newfound freedom.

Now Kai's screaming, Kaytie is in trouble and I've just realized that the exersaucer will no longer restrain my little boy and I'm ready to pull my hair out. I let Kaytie out of her room with a long discussion on why we do not hit people. She walks out of her room and pushes Kaesen onto the floor. You have got to be kidding me. So back to her room she goes.

It's only just noon now and I'm quite certain at this point that the chances of all four of us surviving the day are slim to none. So I decided that I would make lunch and then put them back down for naps. (yes, they just got up...but it was for their own good.)

So I put Kaesen in his highchair, pushing in the tray as far as I could, and gave the older two their food. One of the older kids had left their cup in the great room so I went to get it to refill for it for them. As I did I heard a sickening thud. Kai said "Kaesen flies!" Oh. My. Word.

Kaesen had decided that instead of eating his food, he would climb onto his tray and do a high-dive jump onto the hard linoleum floor. He was laying a good two feet from the chair face down on the floor.

I panicked. I rolled him over and tried to make sure he was ok, but I was shaking and crying. I think it knocked the wind out of him, but otherwise he seemed to be ok. He was REALLY sad, though. So I picked him and held him for a minute while both of us tried to calm down. Kai and Kaytie finished their food and I told Kai to go potty so he could take a nap. Kaytie decided that she needed to go potty, too...so I told her to go ahead and go on the little potty in her room. Luckily I decided to check on her, because apparently she decided that today would be a good day to try her hand at peeing standing up.

I would have given about anything at that point to have a job outside the home. (yes, that sentiment has come and gone...but my goodness was it tempting to start searching the classifieds at that point.) I finally got everyone into bed and attempted to get a bit of cleaning done. Then Kaytie woke up and told me that she had pooped in her pullup. So I got her up and took off her pullup, only to find- another pull up...and then another. I shook my head and told her it was like unwrapping a yule log but with a very smelling surprise. To which she replied, "I have smelly fries???"

Ah, yes...some days are just more challenging than others. I'm hoping to not have another of those for quite some time...

What's Your Passion?

I know it's been forever since I posted on here. We've had a pretty rough winter around these parts. Hopefully we're on our way to Spring. However, today I have an important favor to ask. I want to ask a question to anyone who reads this blog- ever. What is your passion? By that I mean, what cause/group of people/etc. do you feel a special compassion for? I think most everyone has someone/something that they feel passionately about (and I don't mean your spouse and children. haha) What subject makes you get on your soap box? What people can you just not turn down when they need something? What chain email can make you say "I never do this but....I really feel strongly about this one." What is it?

Here are some examples.

Marriages
Special Education
New Mommies
Elderly in nursing home
Children with illnesses
Cancer patients
Soliders and their families
Homeless
Orphans
Troubled teens
Crisis Pregnancy situations

There are a million different things that could be your passion. And chances are you have more than one. This is not just a discussion question. This is really important to me. Just think for a minute (what comes to mind first is probably your answer). There are no wrong answers here and I'm not looking for a Sunday School answer. I think God has given all of us different passions so that no one gets left out. So it really can be anything. Just post a comment on here or on Facebook and let me know your answer. Thanks guys.

Motivation, Motivation, Wherefore art thou, Motivation?

Sorry for the extreme lack of...well...anything. There's been plenty to talk about, I just haven't felt compelled to write anything down. Very odd. Everyone keeps asking how I'm doing. Honestly, I'm exhausted. I'm not sure I've ever been more exhausted. I really reallyreallyreallyreally don't want to do anything but lay in bed. Of course, naps always seem to be so elusive.

No, but really, I have started wonder if there's something really wrong with me I'm so tired. I know I'm pregnant. I know I have three kids under four. But really, I'm not the only woman to ever do this. Surely not everyone feels this way. I mean I can't seem to get anything done. And when I do manage to force myself to do something, I just want to collapse in a little heap whereever I might fall and cry myself to sleep. Not typical for me- at all. Very weird.

I am supposed to have an ultrasound tomorrow afternoon. From the looks of things, I won't be going anywhere. I guess if we have a heat wave of about 80 degrees starting about 6 am tomorrow morning all this sleet and snow might melt enough for me to make it. I'm not counting on it though.

Today was super-fun. Ward is in Kansas. Yesterday we got ice. We got a good little bit of ice. Then this morning came the sleet. Oh buddy, did it sleet. We're usually very sheltered from the wind where our house is, but it was sure howling today. Anyone who's been snowed in with three little kids (did I mention I'm already exhausted) knows that your patience can wear real thin after a day or two. (or an hour or two)

So then we lost power. Oh fun. So I started a fire in the woodstove. This is wonderful, but that means we all have to stay in the great room where it's warm. Our house is too big to heat all of it with the woodstove. So now we're not just enjoying the togetherness in our house, but in just one room. There is no escape.

So I decided our cat (who is a mostly outdoor cat now and has been sleeping on the porch in his nice warm bed inside a kennel and wants nothing to do with coming in...perhaps the children have something to do with this) needed to come inside because it was just too cold and the wind was blowing so I was afraid even the walls of his crate and snuggly bed wouldn't keep him warm. So I went downstairs to get a litter box ready so I could bring him inside. That's when I realized there was water running in the basement. After some investigative work I found that it was the water softener- the container that the salt goes in. So I frantically called Ward. (Obviously a flooded basement was the last thing I needed.) He told me that since he wasn't home to fix it and didn't know what was wrong I needed to just shut off the water.

Great.

So now I was supposed to sit in one room with three children under four (again...exhausted) with no power and no water. I shut off the water and the leaking stopped. After all the water had stopped flowing, I looked a little closer at the leak. Please note that I am completely unfamiliar with the water softener at all. I'm a total and complete "dumb cluck" when it comes to that sort of thing. We never had one when I was growing up and I've always just let Ward deal with it since we moved here.

It looked like the valve that was leaking was to keep the bin from overflowing. (Which seems pretty pointless if it's going to overflow all over the floor anyway. Who cares whether it comes out the side or the top?) So my solution was just to scoop out a couple of buckets of the water and dump it down the utility sink. Don't know if that's what I should have done or not, but alas, it stopped the leak and I was able to turn the water back on. And to make things even better, the power came back on too.

So, aside from being a bit more exciting than I would have liked, the day didn't turn out nearly as bad as it could have. However, I am still exhausted and still stuck in this house with three crazy little ones. So I'm sure the rest of the week will be interesting.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the week wouldn't be so stellar when the very first thing I did to start it off was to roll out of bed and step in dog poop. But that's another story altogether.

A Fresh New Year

I apologize for ridiculously long break in the blogging. My little family got all my attention over the holidays, and we had a wonderful time. I'm thankful for the chance to get back into the everyday. Everyone needs a vacation from vacation at some point, right?

Perhaps later I'll write an update on our holiday happenings, but today probably won't be that day. We're still trying to wrap up school for the day, Kaesen is teething (and very angry about it) and Kaytie just isn't herself. I hope she isn't trying to come down with something. At any rate, I've only managed to find a few minutes during naps to get this in.

We did have a wonderful Christmas this year. We spread it out over several days, so our kids weren't too overwhelmed. It definately seems to work better that way. On New Years Eve, Ward and I took the kids to the Magic House. They had so much fun.

We also found out on New Years Eve that we're expecting baby #4. We're very excited about the new addition to the family and the kids are going to be thrilled (since they have told me they think Mommy should have a "yudder baby"...in adult speak that would be "another baby") I think sweet Kaesen will be thrilled to be able to pass off some of the well meaning but slightly overbearing attention he gets from his older siblings.

This will be a year of changes around the Schweitzer household. I pray that I will be able to roll with the punches and make this year a significant time of growth and love in our home. I am so very thankful for the opportunity to serve my wonderful husband and sweet babies.

I hope you all had as wonderful a holiday season as we did!

The Story Of Ace

Once upon a time, there was a little bear named Ace. Day after day he sat on a shelf watching the people passing by. Then one day, a boy wandered into his store. He was on vacation with his parents in Washington state, visiting the Boeing plant and happened into the gift shop. He noticed Ace the bear. He was a very nice little bear, with a little pilot's jacket and cap, goggles and a scarf with the name "Boeing" printed on it.

The boy picked up the bear. He knew of a special girl who would really like Ace. So Ace made the long trip back to the boy's hometown. The boy gave Ace to the girl. She loved him. She took him home and put him on her bed. Every night Ace slept on the girl's bed. When she went away to college, Ace went with her. He didn't see the boy anymore, but he liked being with the girl.

Then one day he was packed into a box. He was being taken to a new place, but he wasn't sure where. When he got there, he couldn't believe it. There was the boy! That same boy that had picked him up from the gift shop shelf at the Boeing store.

Now, 13 years after he was picked off the shelf, Ace the bear lives with the boy and the girl! Yes, they grew up and got married. The boy got a job at Boeing. And now Ace listens to them read bedtime stories every night from his perch on their oldest son's bed.

Ace the bear, on our 4 year old son Kai's bed

Happy Anniversary to my wonderful husband- the love of my life and the man who gave me the most wonderful love story. You're my world. I love you.

Monday, Monday...

Sorry I haven't been around to post anything for a few days. My grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary party was this weekend and we were out of town. We had a wonderful time, but were very busy. So hopefully tomorrow things will wind back down a bit and I can get back into the swing of things. :) Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!

The Weekend Wrap-Up

It has been an incredibly busy week in the Schweitzer household. My sweet husband left Monday morning for Georgia on business. So I loaded up the three kids and two dogs (I gave cute little McGee a ride back to his family after their visit last weekend) into the minivan and headed to Decatur. The kids were excited to see everyone.

We arrived at my parents' house early afternoon on Monday. My dad stopped by in his big brown truck to see the kids.

Then we loaded back into the van and headed to Argenta to my in-laws house to have an early dinner. My father-in-law made a yummy turkey dinner (yes, I know, I'm spoiled). Then we headed to their neighbors to visit the horses. (I'm seriously hoping my mother-in-law took pictures because I didn't have my camera with me.) The kids LOVED seeing the horses and feeing them apples. Kai especially liked "Ed" the horse.

When the kids all hit meltdown mode, I loaded mine back into the van and we went back to my parents' house. The next morning we were all set to go get lunch and go to the pumpkin patch in Arthur. Unfortunately, I locked my keys in my van and we were not going anywhere. So I had to call someone to come get into my van. (Found out later that the neighbor had a kit to open cars...sigh.)

So after a rough start to the morning we headed to lunch at Culvers with my grandparents and parents.

Kaesen with his great grandma



My babies with their great grampy and grammy





Then we headed to the Great Pumpkin Patch! It was amazing! We had such a wonderful time!

Kai's getting big!

Little Pumkin Princess



Yummy cookie!



Checking out the animals

By the time we left the kids were pretty tired, but they still managed to help Papa shoot his bow, take some target practice with the BB gun and play a game of hide and seek before it got too dark. Then we went to Monicals for pizza! Yum!





Kaytie shooting with Papa



Kai shooting with Papa



Kaesen was up all night Tuesday night for some unknown reason. So a tired and bedraggled mommy loaded up the children Wednesday morning and drove back home. We got home just in time for the kids to take quick naps while I unloaded the car then to pile back in the car and head to Warrenton for Cubbies.



Kaytie, Kaesen and I did some shopping while Kai was at Cubbies then we picked him up and headed home. I collapsed into bed Wednesday night only to be awakened several times by a screaming little girl who had thrown up all over her bed. She did finally fall asleep but when she woke up Thursday morning, she had had an accident all over her bed that took me an hour to clean up.

By the time Ward made it in the door Thursday afternoon, I was exhausted. He had to go back to work Friday morning, so I tried to catch up on some things here at home. Today we did our grocery shopping and now I'm ALMOST, but not quite caught up. At least operations are up and running around here again. 

That's our week in review. Hoping for a bit more relaxing week this week...but we'll see what's in store!

Framing My Dirty Laundry

Ah, dirty laundry. We all have it. It sits in piles and lurks in dark closets. It hides away from public scrutiny and makes us feel overwhelmed and just generally lousy. It tends to taunt us. It's never ending, never goes away and therefore always makes us feel as though we don't quite have it all together, that our work is never quite accomplished and that we've failed somehow to do our job.

But dirty laundry is there for a reason. It's there because life is happening. It is not a sign of our failure to subdue it, but rather of our continued blessing and growth. I know I go through a ton of laundry in our house because I have a husband and three little ones (one of whom still spits up on himself on a regular basis and is in cloth diapers). My dirty laundry is a sign that I have been blessed and that life has been lived in those clothes.

Here's a laundry room epiphany for you. We all have dirty laundry in a figurative way too. You know, those things that people don't readily see. Things that keep you from appearing to have it all together. Maybe you don't talk about it because it makes you feel shame. Maybe you just don't talk about it because you prefer to focus on the "nicer" things about yourself. And I'm not for any second suggesting you tear yourself apart, much less in public. However, here's something to consider.

In the past few months I have had many people ask me how on earth I have it all together. How do I do all that I do. I've even been called "supermom". If for one second you have thought that I have it all together, please let me ephatically state that this is incredibly untrue! I don't intend to decieve anyone, but I suppose it's only human nature to not immediatly discuss your shortcomings.

However, just as with literal dirty laundry, our figurative dirty laundry serves a purpose as well. Our shortcomings, failures, shame are all a sign of life happening. There isn't a single one of us who doesn't have it. We are continually stumbling, failing, picking ourselves back up, dusting ourselves off just in time to fall flat on our faces again. But each time we fall and pick ourselves back up, we've learned. We've lived one more day of life. We've gained a bit more experience and we're a bit more valuable to the world around us.

This is because God is shown most powerfully in our weaknesses. When we see our "dirty laundry" for what it truely is, a sign of life- a blessing of another day lived and experienced, we are able to better understand God's grace to us in saving us and continually making us more like Him through our struggles.

If we hug our struggles to save ourselves embarrasment we are cheating others and ourselves. For instance, I struggle with getting up in the morning. I am NOT a morning person. I have the best of intentions. I give myself incentives to get up early. I KNOW that it makes life far easier when I do get up early. I know that I could get a lot more accomplished if I started earlier in the day. I have tried different routines, different tactics to pursuade myself to get up. Nothing doing. I hate it.

Oh, the agony of the proverbs about the dangers of sleeping in. Now, mind you, I don't often get to sleep IN. But oh how I want to! There are mornings that I drag myself out of bed only to spend the entire morning looking for an opportunity for a nap, or daydreaming about bedtime. What an awful way to waste your life!
Sometimes I am just downright lazy. I just don't want to put forth the effort to finish cleaning before bed. I'm too tired to workout. My bed is too warm and cozy to put my feet on the floor and make a good breakfast for my family.

Yes, I'm getting better, a little at a time. But only because of God's conviction in my life and my desire to perform my duties to the best of my ability-to bless my family and glorify my God. This desire is the only thing that can possibly drag my sorry rear end out of bed in the morning.

Now, you've seen a teensy tiny portion of my dirty laundry. And chances are, someone reading this also has the same stinking pile in their own closet. Maybe they're seeing getting up early differently since reading about my struggle. Maybe they're seeing some hope. Or maybe they're way past me in overcoming their laundry pile. Maybe they have some valuable insight into conquering my sleepies and would like to share. Or maybe we can just encourage each other in our fight against supercomfybed-itis.

So in hopes of sharing the way that God is working in my life, I will attempt to reveal a piece of my dirty laundry every so often. It won't be easy. No one likes to put themselves out there or make themselves vulnerable. But I truely believe that I'm not the only person in the world that has things they wrestle with. Your struggles may be different from mine, but they are there just the same. Sure some people may think less of me, but that's alright. If you find me to be undeserving of your admiration, respect, love, friendship- at least find my God to be loving, merciful and all the more amazing for His willingness to redeem me. After all, my life is nothing if not in Him.
So if it means His glory, I will frame my dirty laundry and hang it on the wall. May all who see it see the mercy and grace of Him who saved me and sanctifies me a bit more each day.

It's October!!!

The weather is gorgeous, the weekends are getting full...it is definately October! We have so much coming up in the next few months. Tomorrow morning I'll be out at the gate for the tailgate sale. I'll be selling jar mixes, breads, etc. that would make awesome Christmas gifts. :) C'mon out and check it out!

On Tuesday I'll be having my wisdom tooth removed. Not so excited about that, but I'll try to be brave and post a pic of my chipmunk cheek for everyone's amusement. Me and the kiddos will be in Decatur the following week for a few days. I'm hoping to actually get some down time with my parents and grandparents. Seems like it's been forever since I could go up to Decatur and actually just relax.

Towards the end of October we'll be having a party to celebrate my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary! Is that amazing or what!?! And I have the honor of being able to make the cake for them. I'm looking forward to it!

So we're going to be getting very busy now, November and December are even busier for us, as I'm sure they are for everyone. Kai reminds me every day that he's "almost 4" and I booked his birthday party yesterday. It just doesn't seem possible that they're all getting so big. On that note, my sweet little Kaesen is 6 months old today...(he happens to be laying on the floor grinning at me and pooping his pants. i love being a mom. HAHA)

Hope everyone has a wonderful month!!! Happy Fall!!!

Loving my Blessings...

Yesterday I woke with a horrible toothache. I had broken one of my wisdom teeth and had to go to the dentist. I needed to do it a long time ago, but I find that I have a tendency to succomb to "mommy syndrome" and push myself further and further down the list of important things to take care of. Long story short, I'll be having the tooth removed next Tuesday.
When I went into the dentist office yesterday morning, the assistant asked about my family. I told her I had three children under 3. Her response "Oh my goodness, you're a crazy woman!" When the dentist found out that I had a baby (and was still nursing so I wouldn't be able to take the pain killers post-surgery) he told me that he thought I would probably be alright to take care of my baby after the surgery. When the nurse told him how MANY babies I had, he changed his mind and told me I would probably need help.
I would just like to know when babies became such a burden to our society. I LOVE my babies. I LOVE having three babies. NO, we have not decided that we are "done". Lord willing there will be more babies. All throughout history children were a blessing, a gift, a thing to be desired. Now, in our society we have "better things to do" and babies get in the way of our "goals and accomplishments/careers."
Yes, I suppose by today's standards I'm crazy. I'm totally OK with that. I wouldn't trade my babies and ALL the work that comes with them for anything! I adore them! Our children are God's gift to us and He has entrusted them to our care. This is the greatest of all "occupations" and one that has eternal impact. Yes, as I am reminded every time I leave the house by well-meaning passerby, I have my hands full. I have my heart full, too. I hope that I can show my children that they are NOT a burden to me. They are my most precious gifts. My most valued treasures. And the God who gave them to me loves them enough that He thought them worth dying for. That's my job...and it's the job that I love. I don't have a "life to get on with" when I'm "done" having kids. This IS my life. And I can't think of a better way to spend it.

My beautiful 2 year old, having a tea party with Daddy

My amazing 3 year old

My precious (almost) 6 month old

My couch-full of blessings.

Welcome Autumn!

The temperatures have finally dropped around here. It's been fairly rainy but that's ok as long as it's cooler. We've had a very busy couple of weeks. I decided to tear up most of the house in an attempt to do some serious purging and organizing. I still am not completely finished, but the storage area in the basement is so much better that it makes it all seem worth the effort. The other day I was trying to get out the door and realized I needed something that would have taken me days to find previously, but instead I knew right where it was. Ahhhh.

The kids have been sick with head colds this week. Kaytie and Kaesen seem to have had it the worst, though Kai and I had it as well. We had a few sleepless nights. One night I was up with all three kids multiple times. I think I could probably sleep for a few days straight. Kaesen also had about two days of screaming if I wasn't rocking him or talking to him. This is very strange for him because he's usually a very happy little guy, so he must not have felt very good either.

I can't believe how big they all are getting. Kaesen is five months already. He can sit up on his own and is realizing that he can get to things that he wants. I can't believe it's been nearly a half a year since I had him.

Kaytie's favorite things to do include singing the alphabet song and "skinamarinky dinky dink" (I realize I just totally dated myself for all you who remember "The Elephant Show")  She wants to do whatever Kai is doing. She absolutely adores both of her brothers and her biggest challenge is saying goodbye to Daddy every day when he leaves for work. She's his little princess.

Kai never ceases to amaze me. He spends most of his day playing with his trains (and by playing I mean reviewing the parts of the train, the kinds of trains, etc.) He also studies his sea animal book multiple times a day and quizzes Mommy and Daddy on it. You never know whether you're talking to the "little boy, Kai" (you're generally safe) or the "octopus, Kai" (you'll probably get inked) or the "great white shark, Kai" (who will probably bite you with his many rows of sharp teeth)

We just wrapped up our "weather" segment in science and it's so fun to see his understanding grow in everyday circumstances. For instance, now when he hears the "tormado" sirens, he has to tell you what's happening. He wants to tell you all about the rain and the clouds and the lightening. I can't wait to hear what he has to say about snow...nevermind...I'm not ready for winter yet, I'll wait.

I am so thankful for the opportunity to spend my days teaching my babies and learning a great deal in the process. I think they are far better teachers than I ever could be. I've definately learned more in the last four years of my life than I did in all my years of formal schooling.

So as the school year has gotten underway, I hope to remember that each moment is a teachable moment. That my children learn more by watching what I do than in hearing what I say. And that imparting wisdom to my babies is more important that teaching them the three Rs. Happy Autumn everyone!

Uncut Diamonds

"Many individuals have, like uncut diamonds, shining qualities beneath a rough exterior."- Juvenal

One of the greatest things that my parents taught me is "don't judge a book by it's cover." It's so easy to flipantly quote. It's much harder to live it. Some people just don't appear to be the kind of people we want to be around. We decide that we obviously have nothing in common with them based on the way they present themselves, whether by look or by action. But that just isn't true.

We all have something in common. We're all out of the same human mold. We all have struggles. We all have weaknesses. And does it matter what those weaknesses are? Not really. We all know what it is to lose, to fail, to hurt. As the saying goes, "we all bleed the same."

I have found that I can relate to just about anyone. From the standoffish teenager, to the wheelchair bound elderly lady in the nursing home, farmers, executives, cashiers, doctors...
Everyone walks the same earth that I do. None is better or worse as far as I can see. But sometimes, other's actions are very difficult for me to get my head around. I want so badly to hold people at arms' length whose behavior is hurtful or irritating. But sometimes my behavior is hurtful and irritating as well. Am I really any better? I'm so thankful God doesn't hold me at arm's length when I'm frustrating. Instead he draws me close and sees past my "rough exterior" to the shining diamond He created me to be.

If only we would put ourselves aside, and deny ourselves our right to "not be irritated," we could see the shining qualities under the surface of the rough exteriors around us. We were all made in His image. We were all loved enough that someone was willing to give His life for us. If we take the time to dig a bit deeper, get closer than we would usually find comfortable, and see with our hearts instead of our minds, we may find that it's much easier to get along with the world around us. We may find that people all need a Savior, all need a friend, all need love and grace.

So when you venture out of your home this week, take a minute to really look at the people around you. Look past the "rough exterior." You may be just the person that they need to meet. And you never know, the person next to you may be just the person YOU need to meet.

You're never too old to learn...

You'd think after nearly two decades of formal schooling you would have a pretty vast array of knowledge. And I suppose that I did in a lot of areas. But the past few months have been the most incredible, challenging and educational of my life thus far. I think it's safe to say that I see myself, my children, my husband, nearly everyone in my life, my calling, and my God in a totally different light. It would take me forever to put into words the things that have been challenging me of late.

It's amazing how far we, even as believers, fall into the traps of cultural norms. I have seen the way that society has entrenched itself in my mind and have been painstakingly attempting to extract those pieces and replace them with what I now know to be true.

If I were to flipantly address many of the issues that I have wrestled with and the conclusions that I have come to, I would probably be dragged out and burned at the stake. I have learned that following my Savior is to go completely against nearly everything that our culture teaches, even the seemingly harmless, widely accepted parts.

But as painful as the transformation of ideas would seem to be, I can honestly say that I have found a peace such as I have never before known. I have fallen in love with life. Just a different kind of life, found hidden away in my Lord. My husband, my children, my home are pure joy to me. I have found a gratitude, contentment, and happiness that most would assume to be purely fiction. I am so thankful for this continuing journey and hope that others will see the beauty of turning from the comfortable to follow the unchanging truth.

pathetic.

my goodness. i have got to start blogging again. seriously. but first, i need to start sleeping again. ;-)

Please stop whining...

It seems to be every mother's plea. Please stop whining. Few things can irritate so deeply as the whine of a child...except perhaps, the whine of an adult. So many times we parents whine at our children to stop whining. We whine that we're tired of waiting on them hand and foot. We whine that we have so much laundry to do, or so many bills to pay, or so many errands to run. Whine, whine, whine. How hypocritical and confusing to show a child that it's ok for us to whine about having wash dishes, but not ok for them to whine about cleaning their room. Or that it's ok for us to whine about having to make dinner, but not for them to whine about having to eat dinner!

We whine about having to visit a sick relative, or of having too many places to be, or of being involved in too many ministries. About how we don't have enough time for ourselves because of all our "obligations and responsiblities". We whine so much that we don't even realize we're whining.

It seems that so much of the time we lose sight of the gratitude that should drive us in our actions throughout even the longest of days. We forget that we have so much laundry to do because we have so many clothes. And that we have so many clothes because we have children and a spouse and the money to keep them clothed. Instead of being thankful for the children and the clothing we've been able to provide for them, we grumble about the laundry. We forget that when we have to make dinner, it's because we have families to feed, and the ability to feed them. It's a gift.

Throughout the past year I've tried so hard to view my children through the eyes of gratitude, and you wouldn't believe the difference. Before, when I would take my son to the store and he would throw a fit, I would try to leave as quickly as possible, and quite possibly be in tears by the time the ordeal was over. Now, when they're being difficult, I can take a deep breath, smile, kiss them and tell them that I love them no matter what and be thankful, because I could be sitting by a hospital bed at St. Jude's wishing my baby was well enough to throw a fit at the store.

We have been given so many incredible gifts...all of us. Even those who seem to have so little can find something to be thankful for. And if we live a life of gratitude, we improve our own quality of life, as well as setting a wonderful and consistent example for our children. And what a wonderful thing to teach your child, that you love them and are thankful for them even when they're being the most difficult. Practice now, we'll need it to be habit when they're teenagers. =)

Honestly...

Why is it that honesty is such a hard trait to come by? Why do we constantly hide and create a facade to hide behind? What is it that we're so afraid of? Do we not live in a fallen world? Is there any one of us that is perfect? Of course not. So why are we so afraid that people may find out that we aren't perfect? Isn't that already a given?

There are so many areas of life in which I have been confronted with this lately. For one, of course we have been following the political world. It's constantly one candidate accusing the other of this or that and the other trying to refute the claims and save face. We were watching a special last night in which they were investigating Obama's ties to various radical individuals. Basically they were trying to find out if indeed he was a radical sympathizer, as his relationships seem to indicate or if it was all, as he insists, just coincidental and simply being used as smears. So they were looking into information on his college years. Or should I say, the lack thereof. He has hidden EVERYTHING about his college years. They can't find a single person who will admit that they knew him in college. And the one person who he did admit to knowing, he had used a nickname or something and he had radical ties as well. They could not even find his senior thesis and could not get access to his transcripts. Now, I'm not saying that he's a radical. I don't know that he is. What I do know is that IF he is completely innocent of these charges and has absolutely nothing to hide about his college years and associations, then he could easily alleviate all fears by simply releasing the information for the public to see. If there's nothing to hide in your senior thesis, why not show it? It helped you graduate did it not? So why wouldn't you be proud of it? Why hide it? Dishonesty is never attractive and always makes people assume the worst. What I CAN admire about Obama is his willingness to admit to at least some faults, such as drug use and poor choices in his younger years. And I believe that honesty is attractive to most all people. We know darn good and well that no person, politician or celebrity or whatever, is perfect. So any attempt to appear perfect only comes off as fake. This is why Sarah Palin has been so popular among common folks. Because she willingly admits to being one of us. She's aired her dirty laundry for the whole world to see and scrutinize because she's comfortable enough with herself to acknowledge that she isn't perfect and she doesn't have to be. THAT is attractive and appealing.

I know a person who constantly lives two lives. They are one person around some people, and completely another around other people. For some family and more religious friends they appear kind, responsible, hard-working, loyal and selfless. Around more "rowdy" or laid-back friends, they are foul-mouthed, inappropriate in their relationships, not loyal at all and completely selfish, always looking for a party or another drink. You can't have it both ways. At least not for very long. "You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all the time." I'm not exactly sure why this person is so dishonest. But I do know that they are not the only one. It happens all the time. Why? What are they trying to prove? We already know that they are not the perfect, responsible, wonderful people that they are trying to be. How do we know this? Because none of us are! So why not be honest with your struggles and problems? Why hide everything from the very people who would accept you regardless of your failures and shortcomings? Are you afraid that the irresponsible, disloyal, partying you would be lessed liked or frowned upon? Well then maybe you have a conscience issue. Perhaps you KNOW what you're truely like is wrong and are ashamed of it. But you aren't truely ashamed because other people have a higher standard. You're ashamed because God has a higher standard. And you know it.

Sneaking around may get you different reactions from different people. You may be able to deceive some people for awhile or gain (or keep) a few friends. But God knows exactly who you are ALL of the time. You can't pick and choose what HE sees. You can't hide away secret friendships, relationships, webpages, pictures, etc. from Him. And He is the one that matters. What I think of you amounts to nothing in the grand scheme of things. And what other people think of you amounts to nothing. But if there is one thing God cannot stand, it is dishonesty. He already knows when you're mad at Him, when you're frustrated, when you fail, when you're sad, when you don't want to talk to Him or even believe in Him. And He's OK with all of that. What He isn't OK with is you lying about what you're feeling or doing. And unlike humans, He ALWAYS knows.

So perhaps we should all re-evaluate the way that we live our lives and who we are trying to impress. I pray my life will be an open book for all to see. Because my failures show God's grace. And my humanness shows His glory. I am a failure. I am a sinner. I am selfish, lazy and have no self-control. But through His mercy I am accepted. I am forgiven. I am compassionate, hard-working and disciplined. I am able to love extraordinarily because I have been loved extraordinarily. I cannot claim any success of my own. It is only God through me that has made me who I am, and I am a constant work in progress. However, I believe that by allowing others to see my weaknesses, I am able to show them that I am no better than them, that they too can be loved and accepted beyond any act of their own doing.

So I will always strive to be honest and open in all that I do, knowing that I will fall flat on my face for the whole world to see more times than I would like to acknowledge...but trusting that in my struggles, God will be glorified.

It's who I am...

It's been forever since I wrote a blog in here. I've missed it greatly. Life is hectic at best. There's been so much going on that I have no clue where to even start. We enjoyed our crazy-packed holiday with family this Christmas. Unfortunately there's so little time to just sit back and enjoy the holidays anymore. Ward has Christmas to New Years off as holiday, so we made the decision to come back home and enjoy that time with each other and our little boy since he would be leaving for Korea shortly thereafter.

Me and Kai moved in with my parents for the three and a half weeks that he was overseas. I was thankful to not have to be alone, and having all our family there kept me pretty distracted. It's so much more difficult when he travels overseas than when he travels here in the States because the time difference makes it very difficult for us to find times to talk...and when we could talk one of us was always almost asleep. The almost month was very stressful, but mercifully went by fairly quickly.

Unfortunately we were told while he was in Korea that he would be leaving for Saudi Arabia again just a few weeks after he got home. He's finally home now, and will be until after our daughter is born in June. However, he's been gone almost as much as he's been home so far this year, so we're still adjusting to him being back home and getting back into our routines and life as we know it.

In the meantime, Kai is getting big. He loves to read books. It's his very favorite thing, next to the Backyardigans of course. He's getting to be quite the little dancer and does all kinds of amusing moves for us when we play music. When we go to a restaruant that is playing music, he'll even dance in his high chair. He knows most of his farm animal sounds and will point to the correct animal when you ask him. He still loves to play with blocks, but his newest love is his kickball. He's getting quite good at kicking the ball around the house and will play a pretty good game with you if you're willing. It's amazing how quickly he's growing up.

Kaytie is growing too. We're in our third trimester now. Only a couple more months until we get to meet her. I have serious concerns for the next few weeks. Already we've been in the hospital once for back pain and preterm labor symptoms. I had hoped that perhaps those problems were exclusive to my pregnancy with Kai, but the doctors seem to think that my body just doesn't react well to the third trimester of pregnancy. I'm prone to uterine irritability which, if not monitored closely, can lead to stronger contractions and preterm labor. Exactly what happened last time. The fact that the symptoms started earlier this time than even last time is slightly discouraging.

I've found that it's much more difficult this time around however because I have to think about Kai. It hadn't really occured to me before our experience at 33 weeks with Kai that I may have to stay in the hospital for an extended period of time. I now realize that is a distinct possibility. We may be incredibly fortunate and not have any more problems, but the possibility is there that I could end up facing weeks in the antepartum unit. That never really crossed my mind with Kai. But now I feel the overwhelming sense of urgency to have everything in order as quickly as possible. I've spent the past few days obsessing over getting everything organized, documented and in one place to make things easier for Ward, should he have to run everything without me. I've also been spending as much time with Kai as I possibly can because the thought of having to be without him for any length of time is devestatingly hard.

However, through all of the struggles and ups and downs of the past few months, I have learned some valuable things about myself, and Ward and I have learned valuable things together. I've been able to really focus on the character trait of courage lately. Perhaps one of the most important things that I have learned is that courage is not the absence of fear. It is feeling the fear and continuing on anyway. Never has this trait been so important to me as in the past few months.

Also Ward and I have learned a good deal of assertiveness and patience. We've learned that we have to make whatever choices are best for our family, no matter what the consequences of that. We have to decide what values to live by, and what things are important and revolved our lives around those things. This has not been an easy lesson to learn by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, due to our lack of assertiveness prior to this time in our lives, it has been one of the most difficult lessons to learn. Ward has been learning a great deal of this quality at work. I, on the other hand, have always been an assertive person by nature. It runs in the family. However, I've gained a lot of practice in when it's best to smother that assertiveness and when it's just downright dangerous to do so.

By and large, I've found that I'm most unhappy when I am untrue to myself, my character, my personality. And unfortunately, I have been that quite a bit in the past couple of years. I've thought myself to be a bit too "rough around the edges" and tried so desperately to make other happy, supressing my desires and hiding a lot of hurt and resentment. However, making yourself into something you aren't only leads to misery. I've found this first hand. I have resented greatly having some people with whom I can be completely open and honest, the way I inherently am. I can say what I'm thinking without having to sugarcoat it. If I have a problem with them, I tell them about it and get it over with. And I don't sacrifice my wants or desires or anything that I believe because I think they want me to. This is when I'm most happy. When I'm dealing with those people around whom I can be myself. Even when I'm having a disagreement with those people, it's easier because I'm able to say what I need to say and move on.

However, when I feel unable to say something, unable to express hurt or injustice, unable to be open and honest, I am miserable. And the misery compounds itself as the days, weeks, months, years go on, until I feel as though a part of me has died. I'm not me around those people. I'm not being true to myself. I so desperately want to handle things the way I would with anyone else, but struggle to do so.

And so, I have found that being true to myself and my personality is of upmost importance to my happiness and that of my family. I don't believe that I should have to treat any one person differently than another. In fact I'm directly opposed to that idea altogether. I've always prided myself on being someone who treated everyone the same no matter who they were or where they came from. And I've fallen away from that to a certain extent. No more. I've finished trying to please people. I've finished trying to change who I am in order to keep the peace. Those who have been exposed only to my "tamer" side may find the switch to be disturbing, but such is life. I am who I am. Take it or leave it, quite honestly I couldn't care less either way. I have a family who loves me and who has loved me with all of my frankness, boldness and stubborness. I have a husband who loves me and appreciates my tendencies to "tell it like it is". And I have a little boy whom I believe needs to understand that no one should make you change who you are and no one deserves to be treated any differently than anyone else, no matter who they are. If you can't be the same person around all people, you need to seriously reconsider who it is that you actually are.

And so I return back to the way I've been for the majority of my life. I will no longer by swayed or intimidated by anyone. If you don't like it, tough...it's who I am.

Daddy's Little Princess

Sometimes the most profound things occur completely unnoticed and in the most unexpected of places. Last night we were eating at Joe's Crab Shack. It was busy and once we were seated it got even more busy and people were standing at the door waiting for tables. As we were eating, I noticed a father come into the restraunt with his daughter. She was probably 11 or 12, and she was very excited. Her and her dad laughed and talked obviously greatly enjoying each other's company. Watching them made me smile inside because it reminded me of when my daddy would take me on "dates". We would go wherever I wanted to go, just me and him and I had his undivided attention for the evening. I loved those nights, just me and my daddy.

But as I watched them, and felt so happy for her, and hoped she enjoyed every minute of it...I saw something slightly different. I saw the way her daddy looked at her. She was his world. You could see it in his eyes. Daddy's little princess. Only then did I actually look at her. She was a bit on the scrawny side...caught in that not a child, not a teenager, odd kind of years. She was tall for her age, had glasses and braces and hair that looked like maybe she brushed it every couple of days. She was wearing a purple sweatsuit and the pants were about three inches too short. In all brutal honesty, she was not a very pretty little girl.

Then I looked back at her dad, and I realized that you could see her, but if you saw her reflection in his eyes, you saw someone totally different. Or maybe not. Maybe you saw who she really was. Because looking at her daddy eyes, she was the most beautiful little girl on the planet. She was adored. She was his entire universe. Who the world saw was completely different that what you saw when you saw her through the reflection of her father's eyes.

Then I realized, that's exactly the point that God tries to make when he calls us his children. It doesn't matter how the world sees us. It doesn't matter if we're poor, or disfigured, or ugly or fat, or scrawny, or have clothes that don't fit, or have glasses and braces. Too often we view each other without taking time to see one another through the eyes of our Father. If we look to him for the reflection of who we really are, we see a precious, perfect and completely adored child, who he loved enough to die for.

I could only imagine someone telling that father last night that his daughter was actually ugly. That she was too skinny, too tall, too odd looking. He may have been angry, but most likely he would have looked at them as though they were crazy. "THIS little girl? MY little girl? Have you seen her?? She's the most beautiful girl in the world! Look at her! She's perfect! You should have seen her when I held her for the first time, or when she took her first step, or when she tried on her mommy's makeup, or when she played dress-up in her mommy's dresses, or when I got her that puppy, or when she was in the school play! I'm so proud of her! She's absolutely perfect! You must be crazy!"

And then I can see what God must be thinking when we become arrogant enough to tell him where he messed up with one of his children. "That person's too fat, they're too skinny, they're just goofy looking, they're slow, they're not good at sports, they're ugly, they're deformed, they're so handicapped...wouldn't the world just be better off without them? Shouldn't they have to change to be accepted? Do we really have to hang around with them?" Sadly, I've heard people say those things. People even try to reason with God and say "They'd never be able to live a normal life anyway (as though we were the standard of "normal") we're just doing them a favor." And God, in his awesome wisdom says "My child, what are you talking about??? They're PERFECT and I LOVE them."

Ah, profound lessons learned in the most unsuspecting of places...