We had an amazing service this morning at church. Pastor John preached one of those sermons where everyone ends up crying, himself included. But he really made me think and appreciate the trials in my life in a whole new way. He was preaching on God's extravegant love for us. The more you study, and read, and even attempt to grasp this love, the more amazing it is. It is absolutely unfathomable. Scripture often refers to it as a flood, and Pastor John gave us the illustration that our lives are like valleys...and there are mountains all around us and God's love is like water continually raining down on the mountains and pouring into the valley, flooding every part, even the lowest areas. And it's a continual flood, it never stops.
The more pastor talked the more things in life started to make sense. I was so overwhelmed by God's incredible love for me. J. I. Packer in his book "Knowing God" says that "everything that happens to us is an expression of God's love." This to me was an amazing concept. EVERYTHING that happens, is because of God's love for us...the good and the bad. As Pastor said, every time he asked God "why?" he received the answer "because I love you."
And that was the moment when it hit me. He's right. All this time I thought I went through hard times just to make me a stronger person, or to help someone else...but that's not all. He brought me into those situations because He loves me.
Why did I have to experience things that made me lose my trust in people? Because He loves me. Why did I have to be mistreated in a relationship? Because He loves me. Why did I go through so many health problems when I was in high school and college? Because He loves me. Why did people try to destroy my marriage? Because He loves me. Why did my best friend have to get cancer? Because He loves me. Why on earth did I have to watch my Papa die? Because He loves me. Why did I have to witness such extreme suffering? Because He loves me. Why did I have to sit through constant reminders in a required class on death right after losing him? Because He loves me. Why did some people judge me and say horrible things about me when they didn't know me? Because He loves me. Why did I have to struggle with depression? Because He loves me. Why did I have to question my faith, literally want to chuck my Bible across the room and declare it all an evil joke? Because He loves me. Why did I have to lose our first child? Because He loves me. Why did I have to deal with cruel people who rejoiced in my pain, showed no compassion, tried to make the situation as painful as possible and even implied that I was to blame for the death of our child? Because He loves me. Why did I have to endure the preterm labor, the fear that I would lose our second child as well, the physical anguish that came with it? Because He loves me. Wow.
Now how can I say that all of those terrible things were because of His love for me? Because of what I learned this morning. God WANTS us to lose control. He WANTS us to not understand. He wants us to be confused and lost and for it not to make any sense. Why? Because only then can we realize that we don't have it all figured out and we never will. Only then can we become so broken that we have no choice but to look to him. And only then does He have the opportunity to show His amazing power and love and to envelop us in a "peace that passes all understanding."
How else can He prove that He loves me? If I never see the need for His love, then the beauty of it is lost on me. If I never struggle and hurt and experience the pain of an imperfect and unjust world, then how can I ever realize the justice and perfection of God?
I'm not sure if this makes much sense to everyone reading it. It was mostly for my own benefit to write it out, because now, it makes sense to me. I'm sorry if it still doesn't make sense to you. And I pray someday it will. But I now understand that had I not gone through times of being broken, treated unfairly, hurting...then I wouldn't be able to witness the true depth of His peace, love and comfort. I can now understand that I cannot lean on my own understanding but must trust Him to always do what is best for me out of His extreme love for me.
As I came to this realization sitting in church today I could feel that flood of love. I could truely experience it in all its glory...rushing in to fill every part. I can now completely understand why I should "praise him in the storm"...because how else can He prove He loves me?
1 comment:
I loved reading this blog. It's everything we know, but sometimes we just need to be reminded of how much God does love us. It is more than our mind comprehends, which in its self is hard to fathum. I think it is great that you are going into writing. You'll have to send me some of your stuff. You put things so elequently and on my level:-) Congrats!!!!
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