an apparent step forward, a giant step back...

The past few years, especially during my college days, I have found that we have made great strides in becoming less racially-minded. Although there were always some people who refused to treat blacks with respect, and some who refused to treat whites with respect, in general, we had taken massive steps forward in seeing that a person's character was what we saw, not the way they looked. In the past few months, however, and especially the past few days, our nation has seen segregation the likes of which have not been seen since the civil rights movement. It feels as if everything that MLK stood for has vanished from the hearts and minds of the people.

With the election of Barack Obama to the presidency, we have seen that people are still being judged based on the color of their skin, not the content of their character. I've seen so many people who are so thrilled with his election because it has "vindicated" the African-Americans among us. That's ridiculous. It is so sad that people voted for that man because he's black. You don't hear anyone saying how proud they are to have elected a man of such great principle, or such insightful and intelligent ideas, or integrity. You hear them say they're so proud to have elected the first African-American president. That's it.

In predominately black churches across the nation today they rejoiced over the fact that a black man was elected president. No concern for whether he aligns himself with ANY of God's principles. All that matters is that there will be a black family in the White House. In fact one of the preachers actually was preaching about it and saying "there's a new family coming to the White House and they look like us! Hallelujah! They look like us!"

How terribly sad! Isn't that EXACTLY what we've tried NOT to teach our kids. That it's important for someone to look like us??? I thought we were trying to teach our kids that it didn't MATTER that someone looked like us, or looked different from us. I thought we were trying to teach kids that the inside was what mattered, that it was only the content of someone's character that was important. I feel like we have just taken a HUGE step back in eliminating the importance of race, and creating the actual EQUALITY that MLK fought for. He didn't want a black man to get a job because he was black. That wasn't a victory! He wanted him to get a job because he was qualified for it...and regardless of whether he was black or not.

And yet, we have stepped away from what Dr. King taught us. We have gone back to thinking that race is something that should set us apart. How very disappointing. And no one can say that the man was not elected based on race, because besides the overwhelming response of people to the "historic" achievement (which, in a way, it is, because at least we don't have the hatred and distrust of him based on the color of his skin, which is what the civil rights movement was about) but before the election, statistics showed that nearly all blacks were voting for him and when interviewed, they said they believed in McCain's policies when they were attached to Obama. Many many people had no idea what the man stood for. Many people had no idea what he had done, or hadn't done, or promised he would do, or what the implications of those promises would be, or whether they were even do-able. They simply voted for him because he was new, and it would be a "historical achievement"

So while I am proud that we were able to elect a black man as president, I am disappointed that we elected a president because he was black. Just as disappointed as I would be if we elected a man because he was white. Or a woman because she was a woman. It's discouraging for those of us who truely believe that race is the artful work of God, it is a beautiful thing, but does not determine the worth of a person...and we should be judged only by the content of our character.

Honestly...

Why is it that honesty is such a hard trait to come by? Why do we constantly hide and create a facade to hide behind? What is it that we're so afraid of? Do we not live in a fallen world? Is there any one of us that is perfect? Of course not. So why are we so afraid that people may find out that we aren't perfect? Isn't that already a given?

There are so many areas of life in which I have been confronted with this lately. For one, of course we have been following the political world. It's constantly one candidate accusing the other of this or that and the other trying to refute the claims and save face. We were watching a special last night in which they were investigating Obama's ties to various radical individuals. Basically they were trying to find out if indeed he was a radical sympathizer, as his relationships seem to indicate or if it was all, as he insists, just coincidental and simply being used as smears. So they were looking into information on his college years. Or should I say, the lack thereof. He has hidden EVERYTHING about his college years. They can't find a single person who will admit that they knew him in college. And the one person who he did admit to knowing, he had used a nickname or something and he had radical ties as well. They could not even find his senior thesis and could not get access to his transcripts. Now, I'm not saying that he's a radical. I don't know that he is. What I do know is that IF he is completely innocent of these charges and has absolutely nothing to hide about his college years and associations, then he could easily alleviate all fears by simply releasing the information for the public to see. If there's nothing to hide in your senior thesis, why not show it? It helped you graduate did it not? So why wouldn't you be proud of it? Why hide it? Dishonesty is never attractive and always makes people assume the worst. What I CAN admire about Obama is his willingness to admit to at least some faults, such as drug use and poor choices in his younger years. And I believe that honesty is attractive to most all people. We know darn good and well that no person, politician or celebrity or whatever, is perfect. So any attempt to appear perfect only comes off as fake. This is why Sarah Palin has been so popular among common folks. Because she willingly admits to being one of us. She's aired her dirty laundry for the whole world to see and scrutinize because she's comfortable enough with herself to acknowledge that she isn't perfect and she doesn't have to be. THAT is attractive and appealing.

I know a person who constantly lives two lives. They are one person around some people, and completely another around other people. For some family and more religious friends they appear kind, responsible, hard-working, loyal and selfless. Around more "rowdy" or laid-back friends, they are foul-mouthed, inappropriate in their relationships, not loyal at all and completely selfish, always looking for a party or another drink. You can't have it both ways. At least not for very long. "You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all the time." I'm not exactly sure why this person is so dishonest. But I do know that they are not the only one. It happens all the time. Why? What are they trying to prove? We already know that they are not the perfect, responsible, wonderful people that they are trying to be. How do we know this? Because none of us are! So why not be honest with your struggles and problems? Why hide everything from the very people who would accept you regardless of your failures and shortcomings? Are you afraid that the irresponsible, disloyal, partying you would be lessed liked or frowned upon? Well then maybe you have a conscience issue. Perhaps you KNOW what you're truely like is wrong and are ashamed of it. But you aren't truely ashamed because other people have a higher standard. You're ashamed because God has a higher standard. And you know it.

Sneaking around may get you different reactions from different people. You may be able to deceive some people for awhile or gain (or keep) a few friends. But God knows exactly who you are ALL of the time. You can't pick and choose what HE sees. You can't hide away secret friendships, relationships, webpages, pictures, etc. from Him. And He is the one that matters. What I think of you amounts to nothing in the grand scheme of things. And what other people think of you amounts to nothing. But if there is one thing God cannot stand, it is dishonesty. He already knows when you're mad at Him, when you're frustrated, when you fail, when you're sad, when you don't want to talk to Him or even believe in Him. And He's OK with all of that. What He isn't OK with is you lying about what you're feeling or doing. And unlike humans, He ALWAYS knows.

So perhaps we should all re-evaluate the way that we live our lives and who we are trying to impress. I pray my life will be an open book for all to see. Because my failures show God's grace. And my humanness shows His glory. I am a failure. I am a sinner. I am selfish, lazy and have no self-control. But through His mercy I am accepted. I am forgiven. I am compassionate, hard-working and disciplined. I am able to love extraordinarily because I have been loved extraordinarily. I cannot claim any success of my own. It is only God through me that has made me who I am, and I am a constant work in progress. However, I believe that by allowing others to see my weaknesses, I am able to show them that I am no better than them, that they too can be loved and accepted beyond any act of their own doing.

So I will always strive to be honest and open in all that I do, knowing that I will fall flat on my face for the whole world to see more times than I would like to acknowledge...but trusting that in my struggles, God will be glorified.

It's who I am...

It's been forever since I wrote a blog in here. I've missed it greatly. Life is hectic at best. There's been so much going on that I have no clue where to even start. We enjoyed our crazy-packed holiday with family this Christmas. Unfortunately there's so little time to just sit back and enjoy the holidays anymore. Ward has Christmas to New Years off as holiday, so we made the decision to come back home and enjoy that time with each other and our little boy since he would be leaving for Korea shortly thereafter.

Me and Kai moved in with my parents for the three and a half weeks that he was overseas. I was thankful to not have to be alone, and having all our family there kept me pretty distracted. It's so much more difficult when he travels overseas than when he travels here in the States because the time difference makes it very difficult for us to find times to talk...and when we could talk one of us was always almost asleep. The almost month was very stressful, but mercifully went by fairly quickly.

Unfortunately we were told while he was in Korea that he would be leaving for Saudi Arabia again just a few weeks after he got home. He's finally home now, and will be until after our daughter is born in June. However, he's been gone almost as much as he's been home so far this year, so we're still adjusting to him being back home and getting back into our routines and life as we know it.

In the meantime, Kai is getting big. He loves to read books. It's his very favorite thing, next to the Backyardigans of course. He's getting to be quite the little dancer and does all kinds of amusing moves for us when we play music. When we go to a restaruant that is playing music, he'll even dance in his high chair. He knows most of his farm animal sounds and will point to the correct animal when you ask him. He still loves to play with blocks, but his newest love is his kickball. He's getting quite good at kicking the ball around the house and will play a pretty good game with you if you're willing. It's amazing how quickly he's growing up.

Kaytie is growing too. We're in our third trimester now. Only a couple more months until we get to meet her. I have serious concerns for the next few weeks. Already we've been in the hospital once for back pain and preterm labor symptoms. I had hoped that perhaps those problems were exclusive to my pregnancy with Kai, but the doctors seem to think that my body just doesn't react well to the third trimester of pregnancy. I'm prone to uterine irritability which, if not monitored closely, can lead to stronger contractions and preterm labor. Exactly what happened last time. The fact that the symptoms started earlier this time than even last time is slightly discouraging.

I've found that it's much more difficult this time around however because I have to think about Kai. It hadn't really occured to me before our experience at 33 weeks with Kai that I may have to stay in the hospital for an extended period of time. I now realize that is a distinct possibility. We may be incredibly fortunate and not have any more problems, but the possibility is there that I could end up facing weeks in the antepartum unit. That never really crossed my mind with Kai. But now I feel the overwhelming sense of urgency to have everything in order as quickly as possible. I've spent the past few days obsessing over getting everything organized, documented and in one place to make things easier for Ward, should he have to run everything without me. I've also been spending as much time with Kai as I possibly can because the thought of having to be without him for any length of time is devestatingly hard.

However, through all of the struggles and ups and downs of the past few months, I have learned some valuable things about myself, and Ward and I have learned valuable things together. I've been able to really focus on the character trait of courage lately. Perhaps one of the most important things that I have learned is that courage is not the absence of fear. It is feeling the fear and continuing on anyway. Never has this trait been so important to me as in the past few months.

Also Ward and I have learned a good deal of assertiveness and patience. We've learned that we have to make whatever choices are best for our family, no matter what the consequences of that. We have to decide what values to live by, and what things are important and revolved our lives around those things. This has not been an easy lesson to learn by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, due to our lack of assertiveness prior to this time in our lives, it has been one of the most difficult lessons to learn. Ward has been learning a great deal of this quality at work. I, on the other hand, have always been an assertive person by nature. It runs in the family. However, I've gained a lot of practice in when it's best to smother that assertiveness and when it's just downright dangerous to do so.

By and large, I've found that I'm most unhappy when I am untrue to myself, my character, my personality. And unfortunately, I have been that quite a bit in the past couple of years. I've thought myself to be a bit too "rough around the edges" and tried so desperately to make other happy, supressing my desires and hiding a lot of hurt and resentment. However, making yourself into something you aren't only leads to misery. I've found this first hand. I have resented greatly having some people with whom I can be completely open and honest, the way I inherently am. I can say what I'm thinking without having to sugarcoat it. If I have a problem with them, I tell them about it and get it over with. And I don't sacrifice my wants or desires or anything that I believe because I think they want me to. This is when I'm most happy. When I'm dealing with those people around whom I can be myself. Even when I'm having a disagreement with those people, it's easier because I'm able to say what I need to say and move on.

However, when I feel unable to say something, unable to express hurt or injustice, unable to be open and honest, I am miserable. And the misery compounds itself as the days, weeks, months, years go on, until I feel as though a part of me has died. I'm not me around those people. I'm not being true to myself. I so desperately want to handle things the way I would with anyone else, but struggle to do so.

And so, I have found that being true to myself and my personality is of upmost importance to my happiness and that of my family. I don't believe that I should have to treat any one person differently than another. In fact I'm directly opposed to that idea altogether. I've always prided myself on being someone who treated everyone the same no matter who they were or where they came from. And I've fallen away from that to a certain extent. No more. I've finished trying to please people. I've finished trying to change who I am in order to keep the peace. Those who have been exposed only to my "tamer" side may find the switch to be disturbing, but such is life. I am who I am. Take it or leave it, quite honestly I couldn't care less either way. I have a family who loves me and who has loved me with all of my frankness, boldness and stubborness. I have a husband who loves me and appreciates my tendencies to "tell it like it is". And I have a little boy whom I believe needs to understand that no one should make you change who you are and no one deserves to be treated any differently than anyone else, no matter who they are. If you can't be the same person around all people, you need to seriously reconsider who it is that you actually are.

And so I return back to the way I've been for the majority of my life. I will no longer by swayed or intimidated by anyone. If you don't like it, tough...it's who I am.

Daddy's Little Princess

Sometimes the most profound things occur completely unnoticed and in the most unexpected of places. Last night we were eating at Joe's Crab Shack. It was busy and once we were seated it got even more busy and people were standing at the door waiting for tables. As we were eating, I noticed a father come into the restraunt with his daughter. She was probably 11 or 12, and she was very excited. Her and her dad laughed and talked obviously greatly enjoying each other's company. Watching them made me smile inside because it reminded me of when my daddy would take me on "dates". We would go wherever I wanted to go, just me and him and I had his undivided attention for the evening. I loved those nights, just me and my daddy.

But as I watched them, and felt so happy for her, and hoped she enjoyed every minute of it...I saw something slightly different. I saw the way her daddy looked at her. She was his world. You could see it in his eyes. Daddy's little princess. Only then did I actually look at her. She was a bit on the scrawny side...caught in that not a child, not a teenager, odd kind of years. She was tall for her age, had glasses and braces and hair that looked like maybe she brushed it every couple of days. She was wearing a purple sweatsuit and the pants were about three inches too short. In all brutal honesty, she was not a very pretty little girl.

Then I looked back at her dad, and I realized that you could see her, but if you saw her reflection in his eyes, you saw someone totally different. Or maybe not. Maybe you saw who she really was. Because looking at her daddy eyes, she was the most beautiful little girl on the planet. She was adored. She was his entire universe. Who the world saw was completely different that what you saw when you saw her through the reflection of her father's eyes.

Then I realized, that's exactly the point that God tries to make when he calls us his children. It doesn't matter how the world sees us. It doesn't matter if we're poor, or disfigured, or ugly or fat, or scrawny, or have clothes that don't fit, or have glasses and braces. Too often we view each other without taking time to see one another through the eyes of our Father. If we look to him for the reflection of who we really are, we see a precious, perfect and completely adored child, who he loved enough to die for.

I could only imagine someone telling that father last night that his daughter was actually ugly. That she was too skinny, too tall, too odd looking. He may have been angry, but most likely he would have looked at them as though they were crazy. "THIS little girl? MY little girl? Have you seen her?? She's the most beautiful girl in the world! Look at her! She's perfect! You should have seen her when I held her for the first time, or when she took her first step, or when she tried on her mommy's makeup, or when she played dress-up in her mommy's dresses, or when I got her that puppy, or when she was in the school play! I'm so proud of her! She's absolutely perfect! You must be crazy!"

And then I can see what God must be thinking when we become arrogant enough to tell him where he messed up with one of his children. "That person's too fat, they're too skinny, they're just goofy looking, they're slow, they're not good at sports, they're ugly, they're deformed, they're so handicapped...wouldn't the world just be better off without them? Shouldn't they have to change to be accepted? Do we really have to hang around with them?" Sadly, I've heard people say those things. People even try to reason with God and say "They'd never be able to live a normal life anyway (as though we were the standard of "normal") we're just doing them a favor." And God, in his awesome wisdom says "My child, what are you talking about??? They're PERFECT and I LOVE them."

Ah, profound lessons learned in the most unsuspecting of places...

Just Another Day In Paradise...

I love my life. Seriously, I can't even begin to put into words just how much I love my life. I am so thankful for all the things the Lord has blessed me with. I'm so thankful for my amazing parents and their amazing parents that gave me such a wonderful start in life. I'm so thankful for my in-laws, because they did a terrific job raising their son and he makes a wonderful husband! I have lived an incredible life. I have a ton of awesome friends...most people would give anything just to have one or two of these people as friends. I am so blessed to have so many people to laugh with me, cry with me, share in my pain, excitement, anger, happiness and to catch me when I fall. I fell in love with the most incredible man, and he loved me back. I have a love story out of a movie. I had my fairy tale wedding. I live in a beautiful home in a beautiful neighborhood. I am blessed to not have to work, so I can spend more time working on our organization and helping hundreds of people. I have the most precious and beautiful little boy on the planet. My incredible husband turned into an incredible daddy as well. I get to watch the two of them playing together every night. The way Kai watches daddy get ready in the mirror in the morning, and the way daddy gives him just a little bit of his cologne. I love that even after nearly three years, my husband still calls every day...he still kisses me goodbye every morning...he still makes me laugh til my sides hurt. I love my family...I love the person I've become. Especially the last few months. The last few months have been so amazing. So much has happened and life has been rather hectic, but for the first time I have been able to let go of everything in the past, stop worrying about everything in the future and be the very best that I can be right now. I absolutely could not be happier. I'm so proud of my beautiful little family and everything that I've accomplished, only by the grace of God. We have so much coming up in the next few months and I just can't wait! I can't wait to road trip for our anniversary. I can't wait to be home with everyone for thanksgiving. I can't wait til Kai's first birthday party (ok...i can wait for that...he's growing up too fast). I can't wait til Christmas and California. I'm so glad that I have a life that's something to be proud of. I'm so glad I don't have to sneak around hoping people don't figure out what I'm doing. I'm so thankful I have parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and a husband who are proud of me. Last night we were laying in bed and Ward said..."wait I heard a song today and I thought of you, I want to go put it on my myspace." haha. So he got up out of bed and found it to post it. How many husbands would do that? It makes me feel so special that he wants the whole world to see just how wonderful what we have really is. I'm also very thankful for my friends' husbands. Nearly all of them have been so wonderful to my girls. And I've gained so many "new" friends when my friends got married. We are blessed to be given another day to love and learn and chase our dreams. But in all honesty, I've stopped chasing my dreams...because I'm living them...so I think now I'll just slow down and enjoy the ride.

The Power of Words

Life's been a bit crazy lately. This past week has been especially difficult in the Schweitzer household. Last weekend we were in Decatur. There is so much going on with our families that it never seems to be the relaxing time that it used to be. We did get to have both of our families for dinner together Sunday after church, so that was nice. Even as turmoil swirls around our families, the stability and solid foundation we have always had in our parents has stayed strong. We both have such admirable parents. I hope that we can be even half as wonderful as parents as they have been.
We ended up staying in Decatur until Monday morning, then I dropped Ward off at work on my way home. Fairly early in the afternoon, he called to say that he thought he was sick and that he was going to come home early. By Tuesday morning, he had caught whatever it was full force. He called in sick and I tried to work around him and keep Kai occupied while taking care of Ward. He wasn't much better on Wednesday and ended up working from home. That was even more difficult. Trying to get everything done and keep Kai out of his hair. He finally thought he was feeling better Wednesday night, then Kai woke up in the night with a runny nose. The next day Ward went back to work and left me with a sick little boy.
Kai had a runny nose and slight fever on Thursday, then Thursday night he didn't sleep...at all. I was up all night with him. I was exhausted, he was exhausted. His fever just kept going up and up, no matter how much Tylonol I gave him. After two days of not wanting to eat and not sleeping, I took him to the doctor. He had 102.3 degree fever. The doctor said that it would just have to pass, and that I was doing everything right and it should be over soon.
So I went back home Friday afternoon, slightly discouraged because my parents were coming down that night for Boeing's family day on Saturday. If Kai was still running a fever, he couldn't go. I was disappointed. So Kai and I spent the evening dancing by candlelight to Norah Jones in the great room. Daddy joined us for a few dances until Kai get real sleepy. He stayed awake long enough to see Mamaw and Papa, then went to bed. My parents offered to get up with him since we hadn't had any sleep, but he ended up sleeping until after 7! It was wonderful. He got up, ate and went back to bed for a few hours. And the best part, was that his fever had broken! He was acting more like himself, eating and getting into everything.
We spent all day yesterday at Boeing, touring assembly lines and seeing the bomb facility. It had been three years since I had been, so it was exciting to see all the advances. Especially the bomb facility, I hadn't been there before, it was amazing. My dad afterward said that it was very sobering to think that Ward worked there. People just think he has an easy desk job, but it's a fairly precarious position to be in. I think it really sank in to them the seriousness of it all when Ward said it was one of the reasons he'd moved his family outside the "blast zone".
You just don't think about those sorts of things happening. But they could. People wonder why we pay so much attention to politics and world news and why we care so much...they just don't understand. Military families understand. But most of the rest of America has no clue. They don't understand the risks involved. Once again, I was so proud walking through those buildings of my husband and everything he does to protect those brave men and women who defend our nation.
When the day was over (after a brief visit to babies r us and cabelas) we were all tired. We ate at Red Robin then headed home. Just before we got ready for bed I told them that I was starting to not feel very well. Sure enough, I was up in the night...and by this morning I had a fever over 100 degrees and was sick as could be. It was miserable. I feel somewhat better now, just have to keep pumping in the medicine as often as possible. I don't have time to be sick. I have way too much to do this week and my in-laws and niece and nephew will be here Friday. So much to do. So the week was fairly stressful, but I did get to feel a sense of accomplishment. Time and time again recently I've been faced with tough situations and time and time again, I've discovered that I'm stronger than I thought I was.
My husband told me the other day that he has no idea how I do it. He just doesn't know how I keep everything running so smoothly. I told him that I didn't think I did all that great of a job and he laughed at me and said I was a ridiculous perfectionist. haha. That may be true. I do try so hard to do the very best that I can for my family. I know that it would be acceptable for me to not accomplish much, for our house to be a wreck, for us to eat carry out every night. I don't think my husband would complain at all after seeing how hard Kai is to keep up with, and all the other responsiblities I have. But I can't live that way. I want a clean, organized house. I want to know my baby is eating the best stuff possible. I want to know that there's good food in the refrigerator and my husband has something good to come home to at night. It's a lot of work and sometimes the task seems overwhelming, but there are moments that make it completely worth it.
Like when Ward comes home and raves about something I cooked and how he can't wait to have the leftovers tomorrow. Or when he talks about the guys at the office going on and on about how they can't believe his wife would send a pie to work that was still warm from the oven since she baked it that morning. Or to overhear someone say that they think I'm a wonderful mother, even if it doesn't always feel like it to me. Or to have a new doctor that I've never met come in and say, "wait...you just had a baby 10 months ago??? no way! you're in great shape!" Or to have my mom (the ultimate cleaning perfectionist) come into my house this weekend and say "How on earth is your house so clean when you have a sick baby!"
It's amazing the way our words hold so much power. The way a single encouraging comment like that can make everything worthwhile. We've felt the same feeling in our organization lately. We've been swamped making blankets and trying desperately to complete this cookbook. Sometimes it seems like it's just too much. Then there's the precious couple at the cancer center who talk about how much they love the blanket they got and how they use it all the time...and how their grandkids love it so much that they'll turn the fans on when it's hot so they can use it. Or the thank-you notes from people who've been given less than a year to live, but want to help make more blankets because theirs means so much to them. And then you realize that what you're doing is making a difference. That it is important. That it's worth doing.
Words may not seem like much but they can give us the strength we need to keep on keeping on. In fact, words (especially Scripture) are at times all that can keep us holding on.

on growing up

It happens to all of us. Sure we may stay "children at heart" but at some point, at least outwardly, we all should have to grow up. Not everyone does. These people are usually people who live off of those of us who have grown up, complain because they don't have enough and people aren't giving them enough, refuse to take responsibility for their actions, and just generally annoy the rest of the population.

However, for the majority of us, growing up is a process and a journey that we will all eventually take. When you're a baby, you aren't responsible for your actions, or for anything really. As I said, some people stay this way, completely dependant on other people to survive. But most of us grow up to be toddlers. We start understanding "right" from "wrong" and become responsible for doing the "right" thing. We start to see some consequences for both our right and wrong actions. If we do something bad, we're punished. If we do something good, we're rewarded.

Then we get older. We go to school. We have to start thinking about other people. We learn what things we do make people happy and what things make people sad. We learn how other people and their feelings are also important.

We get to jr. high or high school and we start more in-depth interpersonal relationships. We form "groups" of friends. We set certain standards for people whom we will associate with. We begin to realize that the opposite sex is not the same as us, and in most situations, the dating game begins. Unfortunately some of us didn't learn that grade school lesson about other people's feelings, and will cause a lot of damage to other people during these "dating game" years. We also start to really care about what others think of us, leading some to develop horrible self-esteem which often leads either to depression, or incredible arrogance problems due to their insecurites.

Also in high school, we start to realize that most (not all) of us will be expected to move out of our parents' home. We're expected to go to college. When that day comes, we say goodbye to the familiarity of everything we've known, the friends we've been in school with for years sometimes, and we head off to college, where no one is telling us what we should or shouldn't do. It's more freedom than many people can handle all at once. They go crazy doing everything they know they shouldn't. This is frowned upon by most of our older, more mature counterparts (many of whom never had this college experience)...and they're right in one sense. Unless you're confident in who you are, and you have a certain set of standards that you adhere to even in your wilder days, you will inevitably find yourself in a whole heap of trouble. Some of us fail classes, some of us get kicked out of school completely, some of us do irreperable damage to our futures by making it so that we cannot get a good job because of a "criminal record", some of us end up starting families long before we're ready to, some of us get married, then divorced all within that four years. But if nothing else, you learn...you learn that it's not just your parents who dole out consequences for your actions...life inevitably has consequences. You're responsible for being a responsible person...just because you're parents aren't there doesn't mean you can do whatever you want without any consequences. You will end up hurting yourself or another person. At any rate, whatever your experience, we all end up making mistakes and we all end up learning valuable lessons. If you survive your college years with reputation intact and relatively unscathed, consider yourself fortunate.

The next big "growing up" experience is usually getting a job. Now you're back to being accountable to someone else. No one else is paying your bills for you (unless you're getting government handouts to sit on your butt watching tv all day...there's consequences for that too, but that's another issue altogether). You are responsible for making a living, providing for yourself. In order to survive, you have to play by the rules...but you're basically only accountable to God and your boss. Yet, for some people...this is the phase in life where they truely grow up. Some people, still have a ways to go.

Then you get married. Getting married is a point where many people grow up. They start to realize that their actions now directly affect another person. If they mess up, it makes the other person look bad as well. If they act irresponsibly and continue to run around having extramarital relationships, they are not only responsible for the demise of their marriage, and their reputation, they are also responsible for the devestation that would be caused to the other person. If you get mad and quit your job, you are now responsible for two people, not just yourself. Nearly every decision you make impacts your spouse. Now is a great time to grow up. To stop running around bars every weekend, sitting on your butt doing nothing and finally grow up and act like a responsible adult. However, this is not the time that some people choose to grow up...some wait just a little longer...and that's ok...so long as your spouse can handle it...

But then a little one comes along. You're now completely responsible for another human being. That child depends on you for everything...for it's emotional, physical, psychological well-being. Now, my friends, is the time to grow up. To continue to stay in your immature state, acting as though you were still in college is not only irresponsible, but detrimental to your child. For one thing, your rebellious, lazy or promiscuous attitudes and actions can directly inhibit your ability to physically care for your child. You may get drunk and say or do things to your child, or in front of your child that you would never have said sober. You may treat your spouse poorly and your child has to witness it. Or you may just make bad decision after bad decision and set a horrible example for you child. All of these things will impact your child. They will shape the way that child views himself, his family, you, your spouse, his faith, substances, choices, responsibility, finances, etc. Don't think your child isn't watching. Even when they're small, they can sense when things aren't right...and it affects them. Once you hit this point in life, it's time to join the ranks of the rest of us and grow up. You had your fun. It's time to grow up and be a responsible, productive member of society.

Some of us won't. Some of us will continue to destroy ourselves and our families. We'll have relationships we shouldn't, do things we shouldn't, be lazy and take an entitlement approach to life. We'll put down our spouses, be controlling, selfish, ungrateful, jealous, and consumed with throwing off responsibilty rather than embracing it. But that isn't the kind of legacy you want to leave for your children is it?

People are afraid of growing up. It's like taboo. In turn, people are often afraid of these points in life where you are expected to grow up, such as getting married or having children. Growing up is not a bad thing. Personally, I couldn't be more glad to be done with my crazy years. Sure, there are perks to being single and having no responsibility, but I wouldn't go back to being single for anything. The love, respect, security is irreplaceable. And yes, it's a lot more responsiblity to grow up in order to better raise your child, but you get the satisfaction of knowing you're giving the one you love more than anything, the best shot at being everything they want to be, without the emotional or behavioral baggage to hold them back. You're raising your child to have healthy relationships, to respect other people, to take responsibility for your actions. And also, you are able to make a difference in the world around you because you aren't so focused on yourself. Because, let's face it, the college lifestyle is nearly completely selfish. It's about us. It's about doing what we want to do when we want to do it. It doesn't particularly matter to most of us whether we're shaming our families, disrespecting other people, or breaking the law. The world seems to revolve around us...but that just isn't the best way to live. We are put on earth for a purpose, and only when you get over yourself and your childish "wants" can you realize what that is, and be capable of doing it.

So for all of those (most of you reading this) who have grown up, don't see it as a bad thing. Embrace it for all it is instead of longing for the days when you lived as if you were the only person who mattered. Take a moment to look at your spouse and be thankful for the sacrifices they were and are willing to make for you. Look at your child and be thankful that you're doing the very best you can for that precious little one.

And if you are one of the few who are still lagging behind, take a look at your family. Try to see down the road, when the consequences of your actions become visible. Think of how badly it will hurt your spouse to find out you've been unfaithful. How hard it will be to have nothing because of your laziness. How lost you will feel when after years of you doing nothing and having no respect, your spouse calls it quits and leaves you with nothing. How hard it will be to try to encourage your child to make good decisions, when they saw you making bad ones. Everything you do matters now. There are no wasted moments. They either impact your life for good or for bad...it's time to grow up and lead the amazing life that you're called to.