Well, as most of you know, Korbin had plans far different than the doctors did and decided that instead of coming two weeks after my last post, he would come two DAYS later. Long story short, my water broke Thursday night, the fourth and we didn't know it due to the previa. They found it at my Friday doctor appointment. We left the office a little before 3 in the after noon and Korbin was already here at 5:37 pm weighing 4 lbs 15 oz. He was only 34 weeks gestation, so we've been in the NICU ever since. We're hoping to be going home tomorrow or Wednesday. If you'd like to see our entire journey through the past two weeks you can go to Korbin's CaringBridge site.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/korbinschweitzer
We are so thankful for our sweet little miracle.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Two more weeks...
Thank you all so much for the sweet birthday wishes and prayers for us today. My babies and my momma made my birthday special. The kids made me a banner, complete with balloons and Kaytie baked me my favorite kind of cake.
Unfortunately, we got worse news than we were expecting today. First we went to the high risk doctor for an ultrasound. After finishing up the ultrasound, the tech went to get the doctor. He came back in and looked a bit more himself. He was very kind, but didn't sugar coat anything.
It appears that the placenta has grown into the uterus, through it and is at least on the bladder, possibly attached to the bladder. He said that the last lady he saw that looked like this spent "quite awhile" in the ICU. I told him that the doctor had ordered 6 units of blood and he actually laughed. He said that it would be really good to only use 6 units, but that I had 5 liters in my body, so we should be prepared for it to be more.
I think Ward and I are on information overload. I'll try to explain the basic plan. Korbin's fluid levels were on the low side, so I'll be monitored frequently at the high risk office until I deliver. They'll do non stress tests and ultrasounds to check fluid levels at each appointment. I go back Friday for my first one of those.
I'm on "modified" bedrest for the next two weeks. I can still do basic things, but no extensive walking and I'm supposed to spend most of my time sitting on my rear and living "an extremely sedentary lifestyle." We'll know tomorrow exactly what time the c-section will take place but it will most likely be August 17th at 36 weeks. The high risk doctor said there was no need to do an amniocentesis to check to see if he was mature because it just didn't matter. He said "if we make it to 36 weeks, there's no point in trying to be valiant, we just need to get him out of there."
Tomorrow morning the OB and the high risk doctor will go over the MRI results. They'll consult with the GYN oncologist who will be assisting them with the delivery because- in the words of the doctor "they handle the surgeries no one else wants to do." They will also likely be assisted by a urologist who will reconstruct my bladder if need be. So they will decide tomorrow when they can all be there for the surgery and we'll know for sure what time to plan for.
I will be delivering at St. John's...which is disappointing, but the high risk doctor said this is as high risk as it gets- "this is life or death" and that we really needed to be somewhere where they could easily handle large transfusions and get specialists in as needed. I'll be delivered in the main surgery OR, instead of the OB OR, under general anestesia. The special care nurses and neonatologists will be there and will care for the baby when he's delivered. Then they'll come get Ward and let him stay with the baby.
It's almost 100% certain that they'll do a cesarean hysterectomy at that point. If the blood loss is not terribly extensive, they'll let me recover similarly to a regular cesarean, except that I won't be able to nurse for 24 hours until the anethesia is out of my system.
Obviously, this is not the news that we had hoped for. But we are thankful that we live in a day and age when we know this before I went into labor, in which case there's no chance me or Korbin would have survived. I'm thankful that I've been able to spend my pregnancy at home with my babies, which is nothing short of miraculous in and of itself. I'm thankful that we have access to such amazing medical professionals. I'm thankful that we've made it so far with the baby and that, although he will technically be premature, he'll hopefully be more than 5 lbs. when he's born and will be healthy. (He's 4 lbs. 13 oz. right now)
Two weeks from now my sweet little baby will be on the outside, safe and sound...and I could not be more thankful.
Unfortunately, we got worse news than we were expecting today. First we went to the high risk doctor for an ultrasound. After finishing up the ultrasound, the tech went to get the doctor. He came back in and looked a bit more himself. He was very kind, but didn't sugar coat anything.
It appears that the placenta has grown into the uterus, through it and is at least on the bladder, possibly attached to the bladder. He said that the last lady he saw that looked like this spent "quite awhile" in the ICU. I told him that the doctor had ordered 6 units of blood and he actually laughed. He said that it would be really good to only use 6 units, but that I had 5 liters in my body, so we should be prepared for it to be more.
I think Ward and I are on information overload. I'll try to explain the basic plan. Korbin's fluid levels were on the low side, so I'll be monitored frequently at the high risk office until I deliver. They'll do non stress tests and ultrasounds to check fluid levels at each appointment. I go back Friday for my first one of those.
I'm on "modified" bedrest for the next two weeks. I can still do basic things, but no extensive walking and I'm supposed to spend most of my time sitting on my rear and living "an extremely sedentary lifestyle." We'll know tomorrow exactly what time the c-section will take place but it will most likely be August 17th at 36 weeks. The high risk doctor said there was no need to do an amniocentesis to check to see if he was mature because it just didn't matter. He said "if we make it to 36 weeks, there's no point in trying to be valiant, we just need to get him out of there."
Tomorrow morning the OB and the high risk doctor will go over the MRI results. They'll consult with the GYN oncologist who will be assisting them with the delivery because- in the words of the doctor "they handle the surgeries no one else wants to do." They will also likely be assisted by a urologist who will reconstruct my bladder if need be. So they will decide tomorrow when they can all be there for the surgery and we'll know for sure what time to plan for.
I will be delivering at St. John's...which is disappointing, but the high risk doctor said this is as high risk as it gets- "this is life or death" and that we really needed to be somewhere where they could easily handle large transfusions and get specialists in as needed. I'll be delivered in the main surgery OR, instead of the OB OR, under general anestesia. The special care nurses and neonatologists will be there and will care for the baby when he's delivered. Then they'll come get Ward and let him stay with the baby.
It's almost 100% certain that they'll do a cesarean hysterectomy at that point. If the blood loss is not terribly extensive, they'll let me recover similarly to a regular cesarean, except that I won't be able to nurse for 24 hours until the anethesia is out of my system.
Obviously, this is not the news that we had hoped for. But we are thankful that we live in a day and age when we know this before I went into labor, in which case there's no chance me or Korbin would have survived. I'm thankful that I've been able to spend my pregnancy at home with my babies, which is nothing short of miraculous in and of itself. I'm thankful that we have access to such amazing medical professionals. I'm thankful that we've made it so far with the baby and that, although he will technically be premature, he'll hopefully be more than 5 lbs. when he's born and will be healthy. (He's 4 lbs. 13 oz. right now)
Two weeks from now my sweet little baby will be on the outside, safe and sound...and I could not be more thankful.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Sometimes it just helps to write...
It's August 2nd. When I was a little girl, this day was exciting because it was the day before my birthday. (I guess once you get to a certain age, birthdays just aren't as exciting anymore.) I would be anxiously awaiting tomorrow, probably wouldn't sleep- which could have been because I knew that my mommy or daddy would be making me a stack of delicious pancakes or something else wonderful for breakfast. ;)
I'm not all that excited about turning 27. Big deal. The weirdest thing is knowing that it was 7 years ago that Ward gave me a beautiful ring and asked me to be his wife. Hard to top that for a birthday. :) But today I'm a bundle of nerves anxiously awaiting tomorrow for a very different reason.
Tomorrow we head to the hospital for the tests that will decide quite possibly what the rest of our lives look like. I'm excited, of course, to see my little guy on ultrasound. I'm definately ready to have some "final plan" for this baby's birth. But tomorrow decides more than whether we meet this baby this week or three weeks from now. It also may decide whether or not we have a preemie baby or get to bring him home when he's born, whether or not we have a "normal" c-section, and possibly whether or not we ever have more children.
To say that I'm nervous is an understatement. I'm so ready for tomorrow to get here. It feels like all the what-ifs of the past few months have been building up to this and hopefully tomorrow we'll know the answers to some of those questions.
Honestly, I could care less that tomorrow I'll be another year older, but we're making a really big deal about my birthday this year, for the sake of the kids. It really is a perfect distraction for them. Kai especially has struggled a lot the past couple of weeks. He knows that mommy is not ok, but he doesn't understand why. He's terrified of leaving me. He doesn't even like me to go downstairs or to the bathroom without telling him how long I'll be gone. He told me today that "I think I just want mommy to be all better." That's rough.
I've tried not to think about the risks, about the "worst case scenario". I've tried really hard to stay positive and not allow myself to let my mind wander down the scarier paths. But honestly, no matter how hard you try, it's always this nagging little voice in the back of your mind.
Do I believe that everything will turn out alright...that my God is bigger than these problems...that he has a plan for everything regardless of whether it's what I want? Yes. Absolutely. But the fact of the matter is that we live in a fallen world, and the uncertainty and hurt are just facts of life. I don't know what will happen. I do know that within the next couple of weeks, it will all be over, one way or another. All could go perfectly, all could go horribly, or any number of scenarios in between. But it's almost over.
All I can do is pray for peace to handle whatever we're told tomorrow, for trust that what happens is what is supposed to happen, and for patience with my little ones as they try to make sense of what's going on. That and enjoy a big ole piece of cake for my birthday and spending time with my precious family- thankful for the 27 years of life that I've been given and the amazing people who have been a part of it.
I'm not all that excited about turning 27. Big deal. The weirdest thing is knowing that it was 7 years ago that Ward gave me a beautiful ring and asked me to be his wife. Hard to top that for a birthday. :) But today I'm a bundle of nerves anxiously awaiting tomorrow for a very different reason.
Tomorrow we head to the hospital for the tests that will decide quite possibly what the rest of our lives look like. I'm excited, of course, to see my little guy on ultrasound. I'm definately ready to have some "final plan" for this baby's birth. But tomorrow decides more than whether we meet this baby this week or three weeks from now. It also may decide whether or not we have a preemie baby or get to bring him home when he's born, whether or not we have a "normal" c-section, and possibly whether or not we ever have more children.
To say that I'm nervous is an understatement. I'm so ready for tomorrow to get here. It feels like all the what-ifs of the past few months have been building up to this and hopefully tomorrow we'll know the answers to some of those questions.
Honestly, I could care less that tomorrow I'll be another year older, but we're making a really big deal about my birthday this year, for the sake of the kids. It really is a perfect distraction for them. Kai especially has struggled a lot the past couple of weeks. He knows that mommy is not ok, but he doesn't understand why. He's terrified of leaving me. He doesn't even like me to go downstairs or to the bathroom without telling him how long I'll be gone. He told me today that "I think I just want mommy to be all better." That's rough.
I've tried not to think about the risks, about the "worst case scenario". I've tried really hard to stay positive and not allow myself to let my mind wander down the scarier paths. But honestly, no matter how hard you try, it's always this nagging little voice in the back of your mind.
Do I believe that everything will turn out alright...that my God is bigger than these problems...that he has a plan for everything regardless of whether it's what I want? Yes. Absolutely. But the fact of the matter is that we live in a fallen world, and the uncertainty and hurt are just facts of life. I don't know what will happen. I do know that within the next couple of weeks, it will all be over, one way or another. All could go perfectly, all could go horribly, or any number of scenarios in between. But it's almost over.
All I can do is pray for peace to handle whatever we're told tomorrow, for trust that what happens is what is supposed to happen, and for patience with my little ones as they try to make sense of what's going on. That and enjoy a big ole piece of cake for my birthday and spending time with my precious family- thankful for the 27 years of life that I've been given and the amazing people who have been a part of it.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Baby Update: 32 weeks
Here's the latest on this interesting pregnancy. :) We had another appointment this evening. The past couple of weeks have been pretty uncomfortable. I honestly feel like a walking time bomb. I explained to the doctor that I've had some fairly painful episodes of "pressure." She explained that I'm going to feel very different than my other pregnancies because the pressure of the placenta is constant and more intense and the baby is transverse and "free floating" and won't get settled down like the others did.
She was totally understanding of my unsettled feelings about living so far from the hospital and not knowing what would happen day to day. So we had a lengthy discussion about the different possibilities and what would happen in each scenario. So I'll try to explain the management plan for the remainder of the pregnancy. If you read this and are more confused than you were before, I apologize. There are a ton of variables and possiblities, but I get so many questions about what's going on that I thought I should try to explain as best I can.
I am currently 32 weeks along. We've had no bleeding episodes thus far. Statistically, it's fairly unlikely that I won't have one in the next few weeks, but it's a good sign that there has not been one yet. If I have a bleed in the next two weeks, they will do as we had planned before- watch and see, give me steriods to speed his lung development and then do the amniocentesis to check for lung development and take him out as soon as his lungs are ready.
However, most previa bleeds are recurrent. So if I have one, it's likely there will be more- probably in a short amount of time. If, in the next two weeks, I have more than one bleed (say, three), they will deliver him at 34 weeks, because it isn't worth the risk to wait any longer than that. In her words "we get less patient with each recurrent bleed." If there is no bleed in the next two weeks, they will do the ultrasound as planned.
Ok, so let's say that we make it two more weeks without a bleed and I'm still pregnant at 34 weeks. :) They'll check Korbin's size, fluid levels, placental blood flow, etc during the ultrasound. If everything looks good, they'll schedule an MRI at 36 weeks.
If we get to 36 weeks and I'm still pregnant, we'll do the MRI to check for accreta. Accreta is when the placenta grows too deeply into the uterus. We're already concerned about this because during my last ultrasound they could not find a definative line between the placenta and the uterus, but there's no way to really diagnose accreta with an ultrasound. The MRI should give us a better idea.
If the MRI shows NO sign of accreta, then we will reevaluate everything and may attempt to make it to 39 weeks (September 7th). If there is any sign of accreta, they will deliver him the next week at 37 weeks. If we deliver at 37 weeks, they'll prepare me for blood transfusion during delivery and do a vertical skin incision in case they need to do an emergency hysterectomy. She assured me that the hysterectomy would be last resort, but obviously they're not going to let me die to save my uterus. (reassuring, huh. haha)
So we may have a baby in 2 weeks, in 5 weeks, or in 7 weeks...actually, technically, we could have a baby any day if I had a significant enough bleed. No more than 7 weeks left in this crazy pregnancy, though. I will feel so much better when he's safe and on the outside. I don't want him to come out a day too soon, but I don't want to play Russian roulette with this thing either. So we continue on the "wait and see" game for now.
She said that she knows it's laughable to say "take it easy" in my situation, but did ask that I "restrict my mobility" within reason. That doesn't mean I can't get out, but nothing strenuous and trying to do only the necessary when it comes to real exertion. So hopefully that will keep any bleeding episodes away for the rest of the pregnancy.
I'm praying that I would be able to see past my fears that the entire situation is not left to chance, but is in hands of a perfect God. I'll keep everyone updated over the next few weeks.
She was totally understanding of my unsettled feelings about living so far from the hospital and not knowing what would happen day to day. So we had a lengthy discussion about the different possibilities and what would happen in each scenario. So I'll try to explain the management plan for the remainder of the pregnancy. If you read this and are more confused than you were before, I apologize. There are a ton of variables and possiblities, but I get so many questions about what's going on that I thought I should try to explain as best I can.
I am currently 32 weeks along. We've had no bleeding episodes thus far. Statistically, it's fairly unlikely that I won't have one in the next few weeks, but it's a good sign that there has not been one yet. If I have a bleed in the next two weeks, they will do as we had planned before- watch and see, give me steriods to speed his lung development and then do the amniocentesis to check for lung development and take him out as soon as his lungs are ready.
However, most previa bleeds are recurrent. So if I have one, it's likely there will be more- probably in a short amount of time. If, in the next two weeks, I have more than one bleed (say, three), they will deliver him at 34 weeks, because it isn't worth the risk to wait any longer than that. In her words "we get less patient with each recurrent bleed." If there is no bleed in the next two weeks, they will do the ultrasound as planned.
Ok, so let's say that we make it two more weeks without a bleed and I'm still pregnant at 34 weeks. :) They'll check Korbin's size, fluid levels, placental blood flow, etc during the ultrasound. If everything looks good, they'll schedule an MRI at 36 weeks.
If we get to 36 weeks and I'm still pregnant, we'll do the MRI to check for accreta. Accreta is when the placenta grows too deeply into the uterus. We're already concerned about this because during my last ultrasound they could not find a definative line between the placenta and the uterus, but there's no way to really diagnose accreta with an ultrasound. The MRI should give us a better idea.
If the MRI shows NO sign of accreta, then we will reevaluate everything and may attempt to make it to 39 weeks (September 7th). If there is any sign of accreta, they will deliver him the next week at 37 weeks. If we deliver at 37 weeks, they'll prepare me for blood transfusion during delivery and do a vertical skin incision in case they need to do an emergency hysterectomy. She assured me that the hysterectomy would be last resort, but obviously they're not going to let me die to save my uterus. (reassuring, huh. haha)
So we may have a baby in 2 weeks, in 5 weeks, or in 7 weeks...actually, technically, we could have a baby any day if I had a significant enough bleed. No more than 7 weeks left in this crazy pregnancy, though. I will feel so much better when he's safe and on the outside. I don't want him to come out a day too soon, but I don't want to play Russian roulette with this thing either. So we continue on the "wait and see" game for now.
She said that she knows it's laughable to say "take it easy" in my situation, but did ask that I "restrict my mobility" within reason. That doesn't mean I can't get out, but nothing strenuous and trying to do only the necessary when it comes to real exertion. So hopefully that will keep any bleeding episodes away for the rest of the pregnancy.
I'm praying that I would be able to see past my fears that the entire situation is not left to chance, but is in hands of a perfect God. I'll keep everyone updated over the next few weeks.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Update on Kaytie
I know it's been forever since I wrote a regular old blog post. Things around here have kept me quite busy these past few months, and my family is, of course, my priority...so alas, my blogging has taken a break for awhile. Hopefully I'll be back to writing soon. I am, however getting in quite a bit of reading and can't wait to catch everyone up on great reads! For now though, here's an update for those of you who have been following what's going on with our sweet little girl.
Kaytie developed a really nasty cough about 4 months ago. It coincided with allergy season and Kai had terrible allergies, so we thought it was probably just that and treated it as such. However, she never got any better. For the past 4 months she's had coughing fits nearly every night that would continue until she threw up. It has been absolutely exhausting for her and for mommy, who would have to try to keep her calm and change sheets multiple times, and of course is quite pregnant and exhausted anyway.
I took her to the doctor at the end of May/beginning of June. They did a chest x-ray which came back fine and told us it could be one of three things- allergies, asthma or acid reflux. They decided treatment of reflux was the easiest so they would try to rule that out first. They also informed us that it could take up to a month before we would know if it had worked. She got worse. The coughing fits started to come several times a day and the wheezing started. The poor little thing just struggled all the time.
On our way home from Florida last weekend she had a coughing fit that lasted from the time she woke up in Chattanooga until Murfreesboro, KY. We tried everything we could think of to make it stop from honey to Vicks (which only succeeded in making her smell like a nursing home and making mommy slightly queezy). So Monday morning we were back to the doctor. He put her on albuterol treatments through a nebulizer and scheduled an appointment with a specialist.
Much to our relief, the albuterol treatements did seem to help, but they had to be given to her at least three times a day and as soon as one would wear off, the coughing and wheezing would ensue again, so this was obviously not going to be a great long-term option.
This morning we saw the specialist. They did an allergy skin test (poor sweet darling) and found that she has no major allergies. (aside from the sunscreen one, but that's a whole different story) They did do an x-ray of her face to rule out chronic sinusitus, but that doctor said he was fairly certain in was not that, he just wanted to be thorough.
So she has been "tentatively" diagnosed with asthma. I say "tentatively" because apparently they cannot give a firm asthma diagnosis on a child that small. She'll be reevaluated periodically and when she's a few years older she'll be given the lung function test that can tell them for sure. For now though, she will be treated as though it is asthma.
She'll get two doses of a preventative medicine through her nebulizer per day to start with. We're hoping that we'll be able to ween her down to one and eventually put her on a pill instead of the breathing treatment, but that will probably be a ways down the road. She'll also use the albuterol treatments as a "rescue inhaler" type of treatment when she has her coughing/wheezing fits. The doctor is hoping that once we get this under control we won't have to do the "rescue" treatments more than twice a week.
It's a bit overwhelming to think of having to do multiple breathing treatments a day with her for a long period of time, since she doesn't sit still very well on her own yet, and we're about to have our hands quite full here in a few weeks when the baby gets here. It will also mean that we have to keep a closer eye on her during cold/flu season as her condition can make these illnesses more serious. And of course, it's not exactly convenient to tote around a nebulizer machine whereever you go (along with four small children and their things) in order to make sure she can get a rescue treatment if she needs one. But I am so grateful that we may be getting my sweet girl some relief. She's struggled with this for so long. Now, in the next couple of weeks we may get that coveted full night's sleep we've been so desperately needing (just in time for it to be interrupted by night time feedings. haha)
Thank you all for your prayers for Kaytie during this time. She handled the tests like a champ. We got her a "bubbles the fish" mask for her nebulizer so hopefully it won't be as difficult to give them to her. We shall see. Any bets on whether my kids fight over "bubbles the fish"?
Kaytie developed a really nasty cough about 4 months ago. It coincided with allergy season and Kai had terrible allergies, so we thought it was probably just that and treated it as such. However, she never got any better. For the past 4 months she's had coughing fits nearly every night that would continue until she threw up. It has been absolutely exhausting for her and for mommy, who would have to try to keep her calm and change sheets multiple times, and of course is quite pregnant and exhausted anyway.
I took her to the doctor at the end of May/beginning of June. They did a chest x-ray which came back fine and told us it could be one of three things- allergies, asthma or acid reflux. They decided treatment of reflux was the easiest so they would try to rule that out first. They also informed us that it could take up to a month before we would know if it had worked. She got worse. The coughing fits started to come several times a day and the wheezing started. The poor little thing just struggled all the time.
On our way home from Florida last weekend she had a coughing fit that lasted from the time she woke up in Chattanooga until Murfreesboro, KY. We tried everything we could think of to make it stop from honey to Vicks (which only succeeded in making her smell like a nursing home and making mommy slightly queezy). So Monday morning we were back to the doctor. He put her on albuterol treatments through a nebulizer and scheduled an appointment with a specialist.
Much to our relief, the albuterol treatements did seem to help, but they had to be given to her at least three times a day and as soon as one would wear off, the coughing and wheezing would ensue again, so this was obviously not going to be a great long-term option.
This morning we saw the specialist. They did an allergy skin test (poor sweet darling) and found that she has no major allergies. (aside from the sunscreen one, but that's a whole different story) They did do an x-ray of her face to rule out chronic sinusitus, but that doctor said he was fairly certain in was not that, he just wanted to be thorough.
So she has been "tentatively" diagnosed with asthma. I say "tentatively" because apparently they cannot give a firm asthma diagnosis on a child that small. She'll be reevaluated periodically and when she's a few years older she'll be given the lung function test that can tell them for sure. For now though, she will be treated as though it is asthma.
She'll get two doses of a preventative medicine through her nebulizer per day to start with. We're hoping that we'll be able to ween her down to one and eventually put her on a pill instead of the breathing treatment, but that will probably be a ways down the road. She'll also use the albuterol treatments as a "rescue inhaler" type of treatment when she has her coughing/wheezing fits. The doctor is hoping that once we get this under control we won't have to do the "rescue" treatments more than twice a week.
It's a bit overwhelming to think of having to do multiple breathing treatments a day with her for a long period of time, since she doesn't sit still very well on her own yet, and we're about to have our hands quite full here in a few weeks when the baby gets here. It will also mean that we have to keep a closer eye on her during cold/flu season as her condition can make these illnesses more serious. And of course, it's not exactly convenient to tote around a nebulizer machine whereever you go (along with four small children and their things) in order to make sure she can get a rescue treatment if she needs one. But I am so grateful that we may be getting my sweet girl some relief. She's struggled with this for so long. Now, in the next couple of weeks we may get that coveted full night's sleep we've been so desperately needing (just in time for it to be interrupted by night time feedings. haha)
Thank you all for your prayers for Kaytie during this time. She handled the tests like a champ. We got her a "bubbles the fish" mask for her nebulizer so hopefully it won't be as difficult to give them to her. We shall see. Any bets on whether my kids fight over "bubbles the fish"?
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Baby Update...29 weeks
We had an ultrasound and appointment this morning. Baby is doing great. A whopping 2 lbs. 12 oz currently. haha. He seems to be doing very well, though he's making life quite uncomfortable for mommy. The placenta has not moved at all, which means he can't lay up and down and won't be able to turn into that position later like most babies do. Instead he's laying across my belly.
All in all, not much has changed. Everything still looks ok, but it's nearly impossible that it could move now, since it hadn't moved at all. The ultrasound tech spent quite a bit of time looking around my previous c-section scar and didn't say much, but didn't seem too happy with what she saw. I go back in three weeks for an appointment and then have another ultrasound on my birthday, August 3rd. They'll do an MRI within a week or so after that ultrasound. The doctor said she would "tentatively" schedule my c-section for September 7th, but did not seem optimistic that we would make it that far. The plan is still to try to get to that point, but it's really unlikely that I won't have a bleed in the next month or two. If I do, they'll deliver him as soon as they think it's safe, which they'll determine by amniocentesis.
We're thankful for now that he is healthy and growing, we haven't had any bleeds thus far and that we get to go on vacation this week! Some time on the beach can fix nearly anything, I think. :) Thanks for all of your prayers that have gotten us this far.
All in all, not much has changed. Everything still looks ok, but it's nearly impossible that it could move now, since it hadn't moved at all. The ultrasound tech spent quite a bit of time looking around my previous c-section scar and didn't say much, but didn't seem too happy with what she saw. I go back in three weeks for an appointment and then have another ultrasound on my birthday, August 3rd. They'll do an MRI within a week or so after that ultrasound. The doctor said she would "tentatively" schedule my c-section for September 7th, but did not seem optimistic that we would make it that far. The plan is still to try to get to that point, but it's really unlikely that I won't have a bleed in the next month or two. If I do, they'll deliver him as soon as they think it's safe, which they'll determine by amniocentesis.
We're thankful for now that he is healthy and growing, we haven't had any bleeds thus far and that we get to go on vacation this week! Some time on the beach can fix nearly anything, I think. :) Thanks for all of your prayers that have gotten us this far.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Producing Good "Fruit"
Mommyhood is not for the faint of heart. Sometimes we get so caught up in the day to day that we forget just how important our job really is. We are responsible for raising the next generation. And as dangerous as it is for us to forget that fact, I think sometimes we are most overwhelmed when we remember it.
As we are surveying the seeming chaos around us, the state of the world we live in, and often the state of our immediate surroundings, we suddenly realize the magnitude of our calling and inadequacy sets in. It cripples us. We see the obstacles and think "I can't even get the kids to sit still and eat their dinner, I don't stand a chance in getting them to be productive citizens."
It makes it even worse when we see mothers around us struggling with issues with their children. Our hearts break as a rebellious teenager tramples the heart of a mother that we have admired. We think, "She's a wonderful mother! Far better than me! If her kids went astray, what chance do mine have?" And we worry and we stew and we want to bury our heads in the sand or throw our hands up and surrender the fight for our childrens' hearts because it is too hard and there is too great a chance for hurt.
Lately I have been blessed to have been given a different perspective on these things, and I'd like to share them with you. I recently purchased a book called "Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches." I've added it to my blog store if you'd like to purchase it. It only cost me $6 for the Kindle edition. It's not a very big book. It has very short chapters, easy to read when you just catch a couple of minutes in your day, and the encouragement is wonderful. I highly recommend it! The author of this book brought something to my attention that I had never before considered.
As mothers, and really as believers in general, we are called to bear good "fruit." When we think of the word fruit in Scripture we think of the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Our "fruit" is our offering to God. Our work that we do, day in and day out, completely committed to God. It's doing the very best that we can with what we've been given.
Often, our greatest problem with producing good fruit is that we become obsessed with what happens to that fruit. In "Loving the Little Years," the author explains that fruit trees produce fruit whether or not that fruit ever gets used for anything. It produces the fruit regardless of whether it will all fall to the ground, unappreciated, or if someone lovingly collects it and makes wonderful goodies from it. It's' job is to produce the fruit. Period. She states,
"It's kind of funny to think about, but God does not tell us to necessarily be strategic with our fruit. Will someone check on it every day? Harvest the best to make a pie? Or will there be a junior high kid sweating around among the yellow jackets trying to pick it all up- wishing we were not quite so bountiful? What happens to all of our fruit is not our problem. That doesn't mean we are not to care about the fruit. While it is on our branches, it is our life work. It is an offering to God, and we ought to care intensely about the quality of our fruit. But the branches are our responsiblity; the ground is not."
How freeing is that? God determines what happens to the fruit once it leaves our branches. We are simply to produce the best fruit possible. A fruit tree is judged by the fruit it produces. The fact that the fruit is left on the ground, or made into a cider instead of a pie has no bearing on whether or not the tree is a good tree. If you attempt a new homemaking or business venture and it doesn't go the way you think it should, that doesn't mean you failed. If you offered your best to God, you succeeded. What He, the owner of the tree, decides to do with that fruit is completely up to him. It was only our job to produce it.
In the same way, the things we watch our children struggle with, the horrible choices we see them make, are not our responsiblity. Our children are their own vine, their own tree. They are responsible for the fruit that they produce just as we are. And their fruit production has no bearing on the quality of our tree. We are simply required to faithfully commit to raise them the very best that we can, in a way that is God honoring...to train up a child in the way he should go. We are wrong to consider ourselves failures due to the shortcomings of others...even if those "others" are our children.
But even if some of our fruit isn't being used the way we had hoped, here's a little encouragement from the author of the book.
"But the chances are good that the more fruit you make the more fruit gets used. The more you throw yourself into heavy branches, the more inviting the fruit, and the more inviting the fruit, the more people it is likely to feed.
Some of those apples will fall to the ground and rot. But God uses rotten apples- to fertilize the ground, to start more apple trees after little animals plant them, and just to make the air smell sticky sweet. You cannot know the depth of His plan for your fruit. So throw it out there on the ground when you have no plan for its future. Waste it. Waste homemade pasta and the mess it makes on your family. Don't save cloth napkins for company only- sew a dress your daughter doesn't really need. Be bountiful with your fruit, and free with it. The only thing you can know for certain is that God will use it."
Now, this little life lesson was made even sweeter for me by our Sunday School class this week. Pastor John talked about how in the Psalms we are refered to as trees, planted by the streams, fed by the Law of the Lord. Only good trees produce good fruit. A withering tree produces nothing of value. So bury yourself in the Word, momma. It's your life-source and the only way you have any chance of producing the quality fruit that will feed the masses and be used by the Master. Take in the breath of God, and use it to create the most wonderful, bountiful fruit you can...then let go...and let God decide how he will use your fruit.
As we are surveying the seeming chaos around us, the state of the world we live in, and often the state of our immediate surroundings, we suddenly realize the magnitude of our calling and inadequacy sets in. It cripples us. We see the obstacles and think "I can't even get the kids to sit still and eat their dinner, I don't stand a chance in getting them to be productive citizens."
It makes it even worse when we see mothers around us struggling with issues with their children. Our hearts break as a rebellious teenager tramples the heart of a mother that we have admired. We think, "She's a wonderful mother! Far better than me! If her kids went astray, what chance do mine have?" And we worry and we stew and we want to bury our heads in the sand or throw our hands up and surrender the fight for our childrens' hearts because it is too hard and there is too great a chance for hurt.
Lately I have been blessed to have been given a different perspective on these things, and I'd like to share them with you. I recently purchased a book called "Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches." I've added it to my blog store if you'd like to purchase it. It only cost me $6 for the Kindle edition. It's not a very big book. It has very short chapters, easy to read when you just catch a couple of minutes in your day, and the encouragement is wonderful. I highly recommend it! The author of this book brought something to my attention that I had never before considered.
As mothers, and really as believers in general, we are called to bear good "fruit." When we think of the word fruit in Scripture we think of the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Our "fruit" is our offering to God. Our work that we do, day in and day out, completely committed to God. It's doing the very best that we can with what we've been given.
Often, our greatest problem with producing good fruit is that we become obsessed with what happens to that fruit. In "Loving the Little Years," the author explains that fruit trees produce fruit whether or not that fruit ever gets used for anything. It produces the fruit regardless of whether it will all fall to the ground, unappreciated, or if someone lovingly collects it and makes wonderful goodies from it. It's' job is to produce the fruit. Period. She states,
"It's kind of funny to think about, but God does not tell us to necessarily be strategic with our fruit. Will someone check on it every day? Harvest the best to make a pie? Or will there be a junior high kid sweating around among the yellow jackets trying to pick it all up- wishing we were not quite so bountiful? What happens to all of our fruit is not our problem. That doesn't mean we are not to care about the fruit. While it is on our branches, it is our life work. It is an offering to God, and we ought to care intensely about the quality of our fruit. But the branches are our responsiblity; the ground is not."
How freeing is that? God determines what happens to the fruit once it leaves our branches. We are simply to produce the best fruit possible. A fruit tree is judged by the fruit it produces. The fact that the fruit is left on the ground, or made into a cider instead of a pie has no bearing on whether or not the tree is a good tree. If you attempt a new homemaking or business venture and it doesn't go the way you think it should, that doesn't mean you failed. If you offered your best to God, you succeeded. What He, the owner of the tree, decides to do with that fruit is completely up to him. It was only our job to produce it.
In the same way, the things we watch our children struggle with, the horrible choices we see them make, are not our responsiblity. Our children are their own vine, their own tree. They are responsible for the fruit that they produce just as we are. And their fruit production has no bearing on the quality of our tree. We are simply required to faithfully commit to raise them the very best that we can, in a way that is God honoring...to train up a child in the way he should go. We are wrong to consider ourselves failures due to the shortcomings of others...even if those "others" are our children.
But even if some of our fruit isn't being used the way we had hoped, here's a little encouragement from the author of the book.
"But the chances are good that the more fruit you make the more fruit gets used. The more you throw yourself into heavy branches, the more inviting the fruit, and the more inviting the fruit, the more people it is likely to feed.
Some of those apples will fall to the ground and rot. But God uses rotten apples- to fertilize the ground, to start more apple trees after little animals plant them, and just to make the air smell sticky sweet. You cannot know the depth of His plan for your fruit. So throw it out there on the ground when you have no plan for its future. Waste it. Waste homemade pasta and the mess it makes on your family. Don't save cloth napkins for company only- sew a dress your daughter doesn't really need. Be bountiful with your fruit, and free with it. The only thing you can know for certain is that God will use it."
Now, this little life lesson was made even sweeter for me by our Sunday School class this week. Pastor John talked about how in the Psalms we are refered to as trees, planted by the streams, fed by the Law of the Lord. Only good trees produce good fruit. A withering tree produces nothing of value. So bury yourself in the Word, momma. It's your life-source and the only way you have any chance of producing the quality fruit that will feed the masses and be used by the Master. Take in the breath of God, and use it to create the most wonderful, bountiful fruit you can...then let go...and let God decide how he will use your fruit.
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